Why the Key to a Good Relationship Is Hating the Same Things


Like anything that's worth having in life, relationships are something you have to continually work on. You have to put in a little time and effort. They don't just magically stay golden without a little elbow grease. And one of the most effective "” and most enjoyable "” ways of stoking that relationship fire is by sharing a nice, healthy hatred for something.

Do not underestimate the power of two people disliking the same things. For many, it can be the foundation of a long lasting relationship. When a couple, married or just dating, finds a common ground of disliking the thing, then that hatred can bring them together just as closely as if it were something they love. At the very most, it can strengthen the bond between two people. At the very least, it gives you something to talk about when you are out to dinner and have nothing left to say.

It might feel like the antithesis to a strong relationship, but finding someone who has the same dislikes as you do is even more important than that person's physical attributes. We'd all love to be with a ten, but being with a six who hated the final season of Sons of Anarchy as much as you did is a gift from heaven. In fact, being with a like-minded person with the same dislikes makes that person even more attractive. Besides, physical beauty fades. The dislike for Ranch dressing doesn't.

Image titleThey both hate mayo, too, FenrisWolf/istockphoto.com

Hating the same things give you proof that you are better than the people who actually like those things. It verifies that you two were meant to be together. Come on, anyone can like French fries. It takes a special kind of person to not only dislike them, but to dislike them with such a passion that another person exclaims, "Hey! I hate French fries too! I thought I was the only one. Quick, let's do it."

And the great thing is that that hatred can be towards almost anything. TV shows, types of music, various cuisines "” all are excellent fodder to keep a relationship fresh and alive. That's the marvelous thing about hatred: It has no boundaries. A hatred of reality TV can lead to a hatred of food trucks that can lead to a hatred of hipsters which can lead to a hatred of Mumford & Sons. That is a whole lot of disliking at your disposal, which you can use to fall in love with your partner all over again.

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The tunnel of hate will always end in love, Nomadsoul1/istockphoto.com

Sometimes, for the good of the relationship, you have to actively dislike something that you have absolutely zero opinion about. (Note: Naturally, if you do have a strong opinion that is the opposite of your partner's, then don't just do a total 180 and agree with him or her. That is weak sauce and your partner will smell it coming off of you stronger than if you doused yourself in Axe Body Spray.) So while you might not give two farts (or even one) about baseball, if the person you are with loathes the Red Sox with a passion, then go ahead and match that loathing or, at the every least, support said loathing. Sharing the hate is a small gesture that shows you care: and that gesture will pay off big for you in the long run.

It's not that liking the same things is bad. Perish the thought. Liking the same things is great; it's what gets the relationship off to such a promising start. But it's not as fulfilling as hating the same things. It lacks longevity. It doesn't have the staying power. Hating things together lasts longer. It fills you up more. In a relationship, hating the same things is the entrée: liking the same things is merely the amuse-bouche.

Listen, it's hard enough finding someone on this big blue marble that you want to spend the rest of your life with. We're all looking for a common ground when it comes to meeting the man or woman of our dreams. It's that commonality, that ability to see yourself in that person, that makes love so special. And who says that commonality always has to be on a positive note? Sharing a love for steampunk is wonderful. Sharing a hatred for steampunk? That's forever.

Image titleHis style choice is helping others grow as a couple, viki2win/istockphoto.com

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