As if your child needed another reason to complain about you in therapy, Wrinkles the clown is now the dark fever dream you can pay to scare your kids when they misbehave. Wrinkles (pictured above) lives in Naples, FL and for a few hundred bucks, he'll appear and scare your loved ones. Most recently, he got a call from a 12-year-old's mother because he was misbehaving.
"He was scared of clowns and I showed up across the street from him at the bus stop and he just started crying in front of his friends and ran home. His mother called back a few days later and said `Thank you!' Now when he acts bad, she just has to ask him: `Do you want Wrinkles to come back?' "
Oh Florida, you weird wasteland of fascinating characters and poor parenting.
Josh Davis of Hackettstown, New Jersey doesn't regret his Mets tattoo one bit despite them losing the World Series, thank you very much. Davis told ABC:
"My whole life since I've been alive they've never won. I'm pretty tatted as it is, but I said if they got into the World Series I'd get a tat. When they got into the playoffs it became more of a reality. So, I said `OK, I'm going to do it.'"
The 22-year-old is keeping things light, despite the Mets not winning the World Series. His plan? To keep adding years to the tattoo for all the seasons they win and don't win the World Series.
Before I even launch into the slew of reasons why this entire punishment is ridiculous, let me take a second to point out that the school defended their disciplinary action by saying this was Ella's 2nd offense, the first being when the same male class mate placed a hand on her head months prior.
If schools want to ban children with hormones from touching each other, may I suggest keeping them in separate classrooms? In bubbles? Out of schools in general?
The Myron L. Powell Elementary School in Cedarville, Cumberland County just sent home a student with a very...interesting...homework question.
Instead of making a joke about it, allow me to just show you:
"You had a really rotten day, but lucky for you your best friend is having an awesome party later. You go to the party and start drinking. You have a little too much to drink and start talking to this girl/guy you've never seen before. You head upstairs to get better acquainted despite several friends telling you that you don't even know this person. You end up having sex with this person. The next day you really can't remember everything that happened and rely on your best friend to fill you in. A week later you find out that you contracted herpes from your one night stand and that this is a disease you will have all your life and never know when an outbreak will occur."
To make matters worse, some parents are pretty upset their 8th grade children are being asked about STI's outside of health class. Parents told local reporters they were "shocked" by the homework assignment, but the school insists it's all part of the plan. The questions come from the book "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens." The book is meant to inspire confidence in teens so that they're more driven and ultimately more happy. We're not sure we see the correlation between ready for herpes and happiness, but there you have it.
A Wisconsin man is facing child abuse charges after beating his daughter with a clothes hanger for allegedly not bringing home enough Halloween candy. The young girl fled her house after her father became enraged that she didn't bring him more candy, she fled to a neighbor's and reported the abuse. When the police arrived on the scene, they found the man with 3.5 grams of cocaine. They also discovered that the abuse had allegedly been going on for the past year.
While Oprah was gearing up for her first appearance in Vancouver (where people paid a cool $350 a ticket to see the TV mogul speak), Glen Callender, founder of the Canadian Foreskin Awareness Project was waiting outside to steal her thunder. The offense? Winfrey endorses SkinMedica, a skincare line that uses baby male foreskins as an ingredient to combat wrinkles. Protestors claim if a skin care line came out for men that was made with genitalia of young women, people would be outraged. The protesters also go on to claim that baby infants should have a right to choose what stays and leaves their body, while Oprah claims her product is a "magic fountain of youth and miracle wrinkle solution."
I would just like to point out that every news story, including this one, actually occurred and I would also like to point out that there is a Foreskin Awareness Project alive and well. Who knew?
Talk about dressing to stop traffic! This past Sunday in Kingston, London, police got a very interesting call. As noted in the official police report: "Males dressed as traffic cones blocking the road like traffic cones." The men in question thankfully didn't cause any damage, they simply annoyed other drivers. An eyewitness reported that they just stood in front of cars and took pictures of each other. While the police saw the humor in the prank, they told these pranksters to get off the road. They will not face any charges.
Do you know how old I was when I got my first cellphone? Not that any of you care, but I was 16.
According to a new study conducted by Reuters, 92% of children have used an electronic device before their first birthday. In addition to this, 65% of parents have reported using tablets, phones and television as pacifying devices for unruly babies. The survey does not represent the entire nation, owing to the fact that it was conducted over 350 houses in Philadelphia. It does, however, show how technologically inclined our society is.
The site states: "Will a few minutes with a screen here or there damage their children's development? Probably not. But when those screens start to interfere with face-to-face interactions, practicing executive function and healthy sleep, then they may pose real problems."
In Houston, Texas people take their chickens very, very seriously. Reinaldo Rivera, 38, is being held for murder after stabbing a friend over taking the last piece of chicken. According to the report, Rivera and four other men were drinking and preparing dinner when things went afoul (pun intended). Rivera became angry when Darwin Gonzalez, 34, decided to take the last piece of chicken. Usually, the correct response would be to:
1. Say nothing, eat more when you get home.
2. Politely ask to split the piece of chicken.
Instead of either, the two began fighting. The brawl eventually spilt out into the parking lot where Rivera stabbed Gonzalez and fled.
Some smutty prankster snuck a sex toy into one of the charity bake sale cakes. The bake sale was being put on to raise money for a Romanian orphanage, one which has ties to the city council. While bake sales are usually boring as hell, this one had a very unique twist after one of the customers found an adult toy hidden in one of the cakes.
A source told the local news that the dildo that was shoved in a chocolate cake caused a stir, and "...the sale was called off and word quickly spread that all cakes had to be binned [tossed in the trash] due to this malevolent act."
Not sure what is more crazy, the fact that these people called a dildo a "malevolent" act, or that they threw out a bunch of cakes that those Romanian orphans would have surely loved.