The Wenger 16999 Swiss Army Knife Giant is the largest and most expensive Swiss Army knife that money can buy. And good luck finding it online, because this Swiss Army knife that was once $1,500 is currently off the market. There is only one option to buy it on Amazon and you can have it right now for only $9,999.99 plus $8.49 shipping. Get it while you can! Your time is running out!
So you may be asking yourself, "Why is this thing so damn expensive?" I'll tell you why. It has 141 functions and utensils that unfold from its 12-inch-long body. It has a toe-nail clipper, a mineral crystal magnifier, a laser pointer, a flashlight, a compass, a shoe spike wrench, a chain rivet setter and so much more. This Swiss Army knife is perfect for people who collect knives or also someone who is afraid of a zombie apocalypse and wants to be prepared just in case it goes down. Or both!
This giant beast of a knife weighs 7.2 pounds and it is sure to put hair on your chest. And even if you have no desire to spend that kind of money on a knife, it's worth checking out the customer reviews on Amazon because they are absolutely ridiculous.
One problem with this item is that if you don't do as told, it will kill you. So while it has its many perks, once you do something that it doesn't approve of, it will end your life. It's a small price to pay for buying something that awesome.
Sure, you may have to clean out your savings account to buy this thing, but think of how much you'll save on commercial airfare! Say goodbye to flying coach, once and for all! You never have to sit next to a crying baby for eight hours again thanks to this nifty little device.
I told you that this Swiss Army knife would put hair on your chest and I wasn't lying. It will also act as the father you never had and will support you in everything you do, no matter who you grow up to be.
And here are a few more just for good measure. People say the darndest things, don't they? Well, if this article didn't convince you to go out and buy this thing, then I can't help you. You're on your own. But you'd be better off on your own with a Wenger 16999 Swiss Army Knife Giant. Don't say I didn't warn you.