I would have reacted the same way. And then I would have eaten it. Haven't you ever heard of the five minute rule? I know most of you have heard of the five second rule, but that only applies to stuff like cauliflower and beets. The type of stuff you don't mind throwing away. But for pizza? Your time to eat it off the floor goes up exponentially. We get it. No one will judge you.
A bunch of pricks in their natural habitat. That habitat of course being a golf course. I bet after something as traumatizing as this he wants to go home, but he's being instructed to stick around. Those professionals are gonna have to work together to help this poor sap out. Remember, there is no cacti in team. Also, this looks like it sucks. That wasn't a cactus pun, it was just an empathetic observation. Poor guy.
This X Games remake of The Shining is strange, but so, so rad. I especially liked the part where that guy surfed the wave of blood coming out of the elevator. Also, when he axed down the door and screamed, "Here's Tony!" Shame no one watched this movie since, you know... it doesn't exist. But yeah, that guy seems chill.
You're crying?! How do you think Siri feels? Remember that old trope about sending a cake to someone in prison with a nail file hidden inside of it? This looks like the modern equivalent of that. Imagine getting a handwritten letter from someone in the clink where they say, "Send nudes." This is how you would have to do it. Although they'd have to be saved on the phone. Don't know how well the Wi-Fi is in sponge cake.
That's one way to lose a pound a day. You'd mostly be losing all that liquid weight. That liquid, of course being blood. Why does no one talk about that? We have tons of blood in us, and that has to be adding all kinds of extra weight to us. Lose a couple drops a day through your feet, and you'll look great at the wedding. You won't be able to dance, though, on a count of the horrific feet wounds.
Oh, so you put the most delicious thing in the world in the Keurig machine? I don't see what the problem is. The only way this is a douche move is if this office is populated exclusively by vampires. Even then, this doesn't seem so bad, because do they even drink coffee? They sleep all day, so I gotta imagine they're pretty refreshed and energized come work time. Yes, this prank harms no one. Well done.
And make room for the, "Above Ground Train" sandwich. How did this even happen? Were they in a mad rush to get to work on time? Did they think their vehicle was slimmer and could make it? Did these vehicles merge into them at the same time, pancaking them in place? So many questions. There's only one thing that's for certain here: this person is absolutely having a worse day than you, so take solace in that.
"Wait! It's not what you think! I left my phone in there!"
Imaging coming to work, first thing in the morning. You're still sleepy and achey. You're trying to perk up because you have a long shift ahead of you. And while making your rounds you open a shutter and see a freaking bear. Yeah, at that point you close the shutter, run to your car, drive back home and go the heck back to sleep.
Even Pepsi wants you to drink Coke. Also, is it just me or does that opening look like Sylvester Stallone's mouth? I'm not crazy, right? That Pepsi can looks like it's gonna start yelling to Adrian and screaming how it is the law and, um... other iconic Stallone-isms. People have sold toast that looks kind of like Jesus, so can we sell this can? Surely, someone out there worships old Saint Stallone. It's not that crazy.
Ha, and you thought you were afraid of roller coasters before. It turns out the worst thing that can happen isn't getting flung off the darn thing, but getting stuck on it. Imagine the sheer terror of anticipation, not knowing when or if this'll start up again. "Maybe it's just part of the ride," you think to yourself. Then you see the operator frantically waving for help several stories below and you realize you're boned.
11. The Precarious Case of the Blundering Bookcase
He should have shelved this idea while he had the chance. There's always good that comes out of a bad situation. Not for that poor soul crushed beneath the book case. He's the new mayor of Sucks To Be You City, and there ain't no term limits there. This is great for the person who dropped it on them. Next time someone asks them to help them move, he shows this pic and has his weekend free again.
"Dude, I just burned 1200 calories by taking a nap."
"Whoa, that's awesome! Way to go, dude. I didn't even know you could do that!" "Yeah. Neither did I, old friend. Neither did I..." "Wait, are you crying? Why are you crying, Jimmy?" "I'm not crying. It's just all the smoke in the air bothering my eyes." "Yeah, I was gonna ask about that. Why does it smell like a pork forest fire in here?"
Fun fact: You can't spell DYING OF LAUGHTER DUE TO SHEER INCOMPETENCE without DIY. It's not so bad, though. I mean, who really needs to close the bathroom door all the way when you're taking a number two? It's your own home. Everyone in there should be someone you're comfortable with. Sure, you can just take the handle off and try to do it again but the right way this time. But what's done is done, and nature calls.
It's good that some of those bottles aren't shattered. The driver's going to need them. On the bright side, with all that shattered glass on the floor there's plenty of opportunity to lose some weight. That blood loss through your feet diet is all the rage these days. Not sure where it started or why it's gotten so popular or why I'm feeling so woozy all the time, but hey, you just can't argue with results.
When it's this cold outside you probably can't feel your hands, which is nice if you have to pick up a bunch of slimy garbage. Take a look at that man's posture. You know how on the evolutionary chart we see the species slowly standing upright? Maybe it's because they started feeling less overwhelming shame and embarrassment. Because this guy has that posture energy, and you just know that's exactly what he's feeling right here.