Well, I guess you can file this under "or something." You never want a profession where you find fresh roadkill and think, "Thank God it's fresh!" That's the lowest bar of optimism I can possibly imagine.
You ever walk into a portable toilet and immediately lose your faith in humanity? Well, thank your lucky stars, moons and other heavenly bodies that you don't have to be the one to clean those up. God bless the poor, wretched, hopefully insanely well-paid souls that do.
We're just getting started on crappy jobs. Ask yourself: would you be willing to snorkel in feces for a hefty paycheck? If you answered yes, then reevaluate your attachment to money. It's a construct, man, unlike the trouser sausages you'd be scuba-ing in.
What's this job description? Honestly, I have no clue. But I can tell it's a job because there's no way in hell someone would do this for free. My best guess: the elephant is into some freaky stuff and hired these guys. Hey, it's a living.
After four straight jobs involving fecal matter, this one suddenly doesn't seem so bad. That's more of a testament to how bad those jobs are as opposed to how good this one is. Look at that lady's face. That's the gaze of someone who's seen the abyss and the abyss was too shy to gaze back at her.
This seems like the best job so far on this list, right? Oh, you sweet, naive child. Imagine standing perfectly still for hours on end, day in and day out for a bunch of folks that are essentially just figureheads at this point. Three days on this job and you'll be begging to shovel crap or something.
Given their massive frames, bodybuilders have a hard time reaching everywhere on their bodies. That's where these folks come in to make sure their tans are even. Could be worse... ever wonder how bodybuilders wipe their ass? And you thought we were done mentioning the literal s**t jobs.
Imagine this guy's dating life. Even if he's paid a million dollars a month, he must blow through half of that on Axe body spray. Not sure if nose removal is a surgery you can get, but this guy has for sure already asked.
Nose removal wouldn't help you in this career path, as you need it for work. Hopefully they're making breakthroughs in their research. That fish collector guy is gonna need a medical miracle in odor elimination.
This sounds great at first, but imagine making one of your favorite hobbies your livelihood. That'd be a quick way to lose all the fun from it. Also, tangentially related: if you said the phrase "porn historian" to me a week ago, this is the exact guy I would picture.
You think public displays of affection are annoying when they're on the train? Imagine if they're on a horse. Worse yet, imagine if it's your job to lead the horse through water. This looks like the worst-possible-rich-person-Oregon-Trail-themed vacation.
Could they get a dog to do this job? Well, yeah... if you want to take jobs away from those looking for employment. It's bad enough robots are taking work from humans, now you want man's best friend to stab us in the back, too? Grab a spoon, get to munching and be grateful for the paycheck.
No, she's not a teen who's an exorcist. She's an exorcist to teens. Why is that so terrible? Have you ever spent time around 13-19 year olds? Now put a demon in them. Hell would be a vacation compared to that.
This guy has resting "I should have gone to college" face. While it's not a glamorous job, it is a necessary one. Next time you use one of these objects, think of this guy. But not for too long, as it'll likely bum you out and put you out of the mood.
People often wonder why human dentists have a reputation for having a high suicide rate. It's because alligator dentists don't have the chance to kill themselves, as one slip up and their life is ended via digestion.
Mario has spent the last 30+ years fighting an evil spiky dinosaur and his legion of turtles and ghosts and giant bullets constantly trying to kill him as he tries to rescue a princess that frankly must like being kidnapped at this point. And you know what? He still isn't even close to the most unlucky plumber on Earth.
Chewing carrots, oats, and sugar cubes doesn't seem so bad. But if you answer this ad, the guy is for sure gonna kill you, grind you up, and feed you to its gingivitis-ridden horse. Be careful when answering classified ads.
This is a real job that involves gathering an animal's, ahem... material... to aid in breeding. Remember that, because if you see an ad from a guy named "Bud" saying his horse is too old to do it himself anymore, you should turn and run.
Ever try getting red wine out of a carpet? Try getting brain matter off of the ceiling. Also, you have to wait for the detectives to finish taking off their glasses, making a pun, and hearing someone offscreen screech, "Yeeeeeeeeeeah!"
You call it "roller coaster tester" because it sounds way more fun than a more accurate job description: "guinea pig." I'm not even sure if this is a job you apply for or get volunteered for. If you ever find yourself riding a roller coaster alone, know that you're now a test subject.
This man is dressed up as a wild monkey to scare off packs of wild monkeys that terrorize villages. To defeat your enemy you have to understand them, I suppose. But don't count on me submitting my résumé to any job where I have to combat a wild pack of anything.