If you're holding your own dog or cat, I understand completely. Pets are an important part of your family and you need your partner to accept them.
But if you're holding a lion/tiger/kangaroo/wombat, I'm not sure what you want me to feel. Are you hoping to trigger my cavewoman instincts? Get me all tingly because you can slay a beast? If that's the case, you should be eating it raw with blood dripping from your mouth. Now that's hot.
3. Hold A Baseball Bat Even If They're Not Playing Baseball
Usually it's a photo of them in a cool place, like at the beach or Grand Canyon or a field of daisies. My appreciation for landscapes is non-transferrable. I will never think you're beautiful just because you're standing in a beautiful canyon.
Next time you're kissing somebody, open your eyes. Guaranteed you'll shut them as fast as you can, because there's something extremely off-putting about seeing someone's face that close. This photo is the same, only it also completely lacks the nice feelings that come with the kissing.
Our parents are an important part of our lives. I call mine every day. But I don't have a picture on my profile with my Dad squeezing me for dear life and a caption that says, "You're going to have to get through him first."
No one likes group photos, because you're always left wondering which person in the group is your dude. Enter this awkward solution. This looks like one of those photos they release to the media when they're hunting down a murderer, and the only viable picture they have of him is a group photo, but they want to protect the innocent people who didn't realize they were friends with a murderer.
As a sports person, I understand that abs are hard work. You want to show them off. You're proud of them. Rightfully so.
But if you have your shirt off in every single photo, you might be too proud of them. You're the mother at work who keeps showing the same photo of her son and saying, "Did I tell you Matthew was his eighth grade valedictorian?" And you're like, "Ugh, Martha. We were proud the first time, but you keep pushing. And it's not like he won the Nobel Prize. Also, he's in his forties now."
I have no judgment if you're declaring yourself to be a human vibrator. The abs are a lovely feature, but at some point, even accidentally, I'm going to see your face. And I need to know if it's going to help or hinder the thing we are both trying to get done.
This photo is usually accompanied with the line, "She's not my girlfriend/ex." Great, you have a female friend, and it looks like she's willing to be your wingman! Know what a good wingman would do? Take a decent photo of you by yourself.
Maybe you guys are friends. Or maybe you saw him at a bookstore and were like, "OMG can I get a photo?" and he was like, "Uhhh, I'm kind of here with my family..." and then you handed your camera to the nearest someone who snapped this photo and now you want me to not pick up on the look in Patrick Stewart's eyes that says, "Help me."