The Struggles of Being an Insomniac

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Some people have it lucky. They can hop into bed and go from zero to Zzzzzz in no time at all. 

For us insomniacs, it's not as easy. Going to sleep, staying asleep, not tossing-and-turning, these mysterious concepts are our White Whale. This list is dedicated to you.

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1. It's Not That We Don't Try

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"Have you TRIED going to bed earlier?"

"I don't know, have you tried cake without frosting? Yeah, it just doesn't work for me." 

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2. It's When Our Brain Decides to Be Active

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Your brain is like that college roommate that wants to party every night, while you want to stay in. Get out of my head, Tricia. 

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3. It Makes Us Loopy

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One time after a particularly bad night of no-sleep, I was out with a friend and a firetruck drove by. I wanted to say, "Oh look, firemen," but I forgot the word "firemen." I wound up saying "Oh look, the fire police."

I'm an adult woman who votes and pays taxes. 

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4. Sometimes It Feels Like the Tiredness Will Never End

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Think about all the money you save on pajamas! Just kidding, think about all the money you spend on caffeine. 

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5. You Sometimes Resent Sleep

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Things sleep has done for me tonight: Nothing.

Things Netflix has done for me tonight: Have every episode of the new season of Degrassi at my immediate disposal.

Get your act together, sleep. 

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6. Your Mind Gets Stuck Thinking About the Same Things

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Now I lay me down to sleep. I pray the lord I suddenly remember every embarrassing thing I've ever done in my life IT CAME TRUE!

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7. Counting Sheep Is Useless

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Counting sheep doesn't help.

Drinking a warm glass of milk doesn't help.

(Insert ANYTHING) doesn't help.

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8. You Lose Touch With Reality

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In the directors cut of The Matrixwe learn that the world is actually very normal and that Neo was VERY sleep deprived. The blue pill was Nyquil and he took the red pill instead.

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9. You Make Questionable Choices

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When you're THAT tired, your inhibitions are lower. So you make decisions that you wouldn't otherwise. Anyway, does anyone know how to delete a friend request before my former 6th grade English teacher sees it? 

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10. It Wrecks Your Whole Day

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"You want to have a productive day tomorrow? How about I take EVERYTHING AWAY?"

Insomnia is like that ex who left you and took the dog. 

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11. Your Brain Decides to Mock You

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Every minute that you're not asleep is a minute that you COULD be sleeping. There's a big difference between getting 1 hour of sleep and 59 minutes of sleep. Don't worry, your brain will keep reminding you! 

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12. It Sucks When You Can't Even Be Productive

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In a perfect world, you could use your extra hours of being awake to get work done. But if you're in that middle zone in the Venn diagram, that novel will once again remain unwritten. 

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13. The Alarm Is Your Enemy

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You went on such an emotional journey to fall asleep. Luckily, your alarm is here to ruin everything!

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14. 'Morning Persons' Just Don't Understand

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Stop acting like we both fell asleep at the same time. Or that we both fell asleep.

And yeah, I cited myself in this image. Is it vain? Yes. Will I lose sleep over it? No, because I have no sleep to lose. 

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