Ouch, this one cuts deep. I always knew I should've become an elementary school teacher. They sure have the easy life...
Get your own corner, Grandpa. Crying's just so much more fun when done alone.
In the American court system's defense, though, that kid's been 10 years old for about 27 years now...
It's true. Life is a pointless cycle of mundane distractions from the inevitable fact that you're going to die.
Now if only Maude Flanders could've learned how to judge when a T-shirt cannon was aimed at her torso, she might still be here today...
This is why everybody should be able to have a gun: in order to protect themselves from people who shouldn't be able to have guns.
Eh, it's okay. It's not like Moe was ever going to earn enough money to get out to Europe, anyway.
Well, now it finally makes sense why she married Homer. Easy victory every time.
Don't let this joke get you down. Despite his parents' issues, we can still rest assured that Milhouse will grow up strong and well-adjusted.
...Oh wait never mind. Everything is terrible.
Hey, have you ever noticed that The Simpsons probably has more moments of main characters spontaneously sobbing than any other show on television? Should that worry us?
Before Homer Simpson, I never knew it was possible to have a hostile relationship with your own brain. But now as an adult, I can't imagine not acting in direct confrontation with my own conscience.
Thankfully, I found a loophole. I never go to the bathroom to do my business, but instead go to the janitorial closet at work. Everybody wins (except the janitor)!
Homer should know better than to go to a furniture store with this kind of problem. After all, IKEA eats faltering relationships for breakfast...with a side of Swedish meatballs, of course.
It's true; there's not one problem that drinking can't fix. Well, aside from all those annoying interventions my friends keep throwing me.