Jesus Saves...money on wrapping paper by not buying the expensive Christmas-themed designs.
Success! After years of genetic research, Santa's Workshop has finally managed to eliminate costly reindeer from the payroll.
Before we grab our pitchforks, let's all remember that Amazon does include this disclaimer: "When you pay the extra $3.99 for gift wrapping, we may toss your gift into a large sack if it has an uncommon shape...such as 'rectangle.'"
That gift is wrapped with care using paper towels and duct tape. What's inside? Isn't it obvious? More paper towels and duct tape.
They always say that Christmas is a time to let people know how much you care. Well, now Dad definitely knows the answer, and he's going to hold it against you all year.
"Merry Christmas! I got you what you've always wanted: a hoagie from that place down the street."
You can't fault Mom too much on this one. Technically, she isn't wrong.
Child: "Wow, day-old donuts? Thanks, Hobo Santa!"
Hobo Santa: "...You gonna eat those?"
Husbands, take note: This is how to ensure that you are never asked to wrap a gift again for the rest of your life.
"Didn't get anything for me? Don't worry, my wrapping paper has a good idea on how you can make it up."
Finally, a way to say both "Merry Christmas" and "Would it kill you to at least sometimes be the one who does the grocery shopping?" in the same package.
What? It's a wrapped figure of Darth Vader holding a Lightsaber. Where's your mind at?
There's a certain feeling of satisfaction when you hit that sweet spot of both being really green and being really lazy.
Thankfully, the package contains a large bottle of wine, perfect for you to consume immediately after realizing thatthis song was released over 27 years ago.
Sorry, I don't care if this gift contains a wad of $100 bills inside. Nothing is worth trying to open this package.