Reddit user leela_xo asked the internet, "What's the pettiest reason you've ever broken up with somebody?" The internet responded with amazing alacrity. Here are some of our favorites.
Up first, the most reasonable, logical reason anyone should end a relationship: "She was too loud around my hermit crabs."
Courtesy of Reddit user Chosenone
"He looked too much like a magician."
He was really nice, except when I sneezed and he tried to hand me a tissue, it ended up being a string of handkerchiefs that took five minutes to remove from his sleeve. No thanks.
Courtesy of Reddit user Budakang
"She smelled like Campbell's beef vegetable soup."
That's very specific. And very disturbing.
Courtesy of Reddit user pokepip
"I didn't like the way he stood."
To be fair, he couldn't stand without jabbing the person nearest him in the eye with his finger repeatedly. He couldn't help it!
Courtesy of Reddit user tudortimes
"They raised the toll 75 cents going across this bridge I had to hit to get to her and it wasn't worth it anymore."
This may seem a bit harsh, but if you think about it, paying to get over a bridge to see someone is basically prostitution. And prostitution is illegal.
Courtesy of Reddit user ThatGuy2300
"I was in a tree with her and she fell out. Girls gotta know how to climb trees."
I mean, this is inexcusable. Make like a koala and hang on for dear life.
Courtesy of Reddit user MagicPant5
"He once came with his eyes open and crossed. Just really freaked me out. I could never get the picture of his face out of my mind after that."
No offense. I just don't like to have sex with cartoon characters. And no, that doesn't make me racist.
Courtesy of Reddit user fortune_cxxkie
"Funny, I just had a friend telling me stories of a guy who broke up with his girlfriends for petty reasons. Apparently he broke up with his most recent ex for two reasons:
1: She didn't know how to make scrambled eggs.
2: They were making hot chocolate in a pot, and she was moving it from the pot to her mug with a small spoon. One spoonful at a time."
Let's take this one at a time:
1. To make scrambled eggs, you ”” come in close; listen carefully ”” scramble them. I know. It was a secret, but now you know.
2. This is MADDENING. Horrifying. Crazy. This guy was totally right.
Courtesy of Reddit user fill_your_hand
"He reminded me of Michael Scott."
Steve Carell = DILF and a half.
Michael Scott = Seriously, stop standing so close to me.
It's one of life's greatest conundrums.
Courtesy of Reddit user injameow
Check out more weird reasons people have ended relationships here!
WAIT. We couldn't leave you without a good ol' drunky one. From poor Twitter user Jeff Lange comes this gem:
"She got drunk, jumped in front of a cab and told me to 'save her.' Red flag?"
We'd say so, Jeff. We'd say so.