Hollywood Remakes That Happened But Really Shouldn't Have

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Recently, Gone Girl director David Fincher and Ben Affleck broke news that they were considering a Strangers On A Train remake. Although I am a Hitchcock fan until the day I die, the idea intrigued me. In the updated version it is reported that Affleck will play a movie star in the midsts of Oscar campaign season when his plane breaks down. The updated version in Fincher's capable hands excites me, but I wish I could say the same for numerous Hollywood remakes over the years. Here is my list of six remakes that had me clawing my eyes out and trying to remember everything good about the original. 
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1. Psycho (1998)

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Never sure how this Hitchcock film got remade as a crappier, less spine-tingling yet word-for-word remake, but it did. In this "updated" thriller, Norman Bates is played by Vince Vaughn and Anne Heche played Marion Crane. If you're looking to watch Psycho in color, thats really all this version offers viewers that is new. The acting pales in comparison to Anthony Perkins and Janet Leigh, and, oh! the movie is literally shot for shot from the original. Stick to the original and ditch this snoozefest that had me whispering "buy why!?" the entire time I watched it.

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2. Carrie (2013)

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You know what was great about the Brian De Palma original? Everything. You know what was great about the 2013 Kimberly Peirce reboot? Julianne Moore. This remake was so cringeworthy, it was difficult for me to get through it without throwing popcorn at the screen. I kept waiting for the star, Chloe Grace Moretz, to be like "lol, don't worry about it audience this is really just an elaborate SNL skit," but it never came. The best part about this movie was the fact that the director cast some major eye-candy with Ansel Elgort. 
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3. The Karate Kid (2010)

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Another unnecessary remake finds Jaden Smith taking lessons from Jackie Chan about becoming a karate master after his mother relocates him to Bejing. It's like the Smiths wanted to mar the most perfect classic just to get their child into the limelight and lost the story's sheen along the way. Justin Bieber has a song in the credits and I prefer to forget this movie much like I prefer to forget how I religiously read Jaden Smith's infinitely-more entertaining twitter account

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4. When A Stranger Calls (2006)

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Things I would rather do than watch this Camilla Belle remake of a classic (and terrifying) horror film again: get three root canals, console a crying baby, do my taxes. If you want to see a film about a girl chilling in a ridiculously nice house then running away from nothing for 30 minutes, you could probably check out an episode of Vanderpump Rules or Keeping Up With The Kardashians, but this watered-down PG-13 film is a disgrace to the terror of the original. 

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5. Friday the 13th (2009)

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Everything Michael Bay touches turns to crap. Truly. I'm not saying that the original Friday the 13th was a work of art, but it had a level of campiness that helped it persevere. In this updated version, literally none of the characters are likable and they tried to pull a Rob Zombie backstory plot update that falls flat. Admittedly, when I saw this film in theaters there was a child next to me brought in by their careless parent and it sobbed the whole time, which may or may not have contributed to my bad experience. 

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6. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (2005)

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Although I am a huge Tim Burton fan and it is difficult to find reasons to pick on his films, this is one remake that may have missed the mark. The color palette was gorgeous, but the film lost some of its charm by making Johnny Depp too Michael Jackson-whisper creepy. The film also lost some major credibility for its lack of a deeply disturbing tunnel scene that made the original haunt my dreams for years. Points however to Anna-Sophia Robb for being an absolute gem as Violet and to Freddie Highmore for capturing the charm and likability of Charlie. 

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