Have a New Year's Resolution? Go for It. Or Don't.


January 1, 2016: For many, it's, "New year, new me." Fresh start. Clean slate. New beginnings. White, wiped, blank. Full of potential. Great expectations. Opportunity. Change. 

We make resolutions to lose weight, to eat better, to read more. To be a better son, daughter, mother, father, person. To actually keep up with our resolutions. 

For every person who claims that she'll spend time outside every day or that he'll explore his latent desire to learn how to make pasta, there's a cynical brow-furrower leaning up against the corner wall, arms crossed, rolling his eyes and whispering through clenched teeth, "It'll never last. I give it a week."

There are countless articles all over the Internet about how to make your resolutions stick, how to keep your goals realistic, how to prevent you from being a miserable failure who can't transform your entire life in an instant just because the calendar started over again. These kinds of articles presuppose you are weak-willed. They assume your ineptitude. These cynics and these article writers doom you to fail before you even begin. They act like the fact that one day you decided to take up glass blowing is somehow offensive to them and their own proclivity to stay horizontal on the couch, actively trying not to better themselves. 

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Liz Lemon knows a little something about doing things. And not doing things. Giphy

To all those people, I say, "Shut your damn mouths." If you decide January 1 is the perfect time for you to join the gym even though January's the biggest month for gym membership purchases in the history of the entire world, go for it. No person should be able to disparage you for trying to make a change just because others are also trying to make the same change at the same time. That's ludicrous. If anything, you might feel a kinship with your fellow January firsters. 

Now sometimes, you fall asleep to an episode of Making a Murderer and you wake up and it's magically February 12, or June 6 or September 28, and you still haven't made it to the gym. The crazy thing is: That's okay. Don't saw your legs off and hit yourself in the head with them. You can go to the gym for the first time on September 28. January 1 doesn't have a monopoly on starting things that are good for you. 

Or, and this might be a radical idea, don't go to the gym at all! And go get a beer instead! Lament your lack of resolve to resolve your resolutions without feeling guilty. You tried. Maybe not that hard, but what does it actually matter? The article writers on the Internet may say they told you so, but what satisfaction do they get from being able to say that? Zilch. The cynic in the corner may not be mad, "just disappointed," but at least you made the attempt instead of being a total buzzkill from the very beginning. Shrug your shoulders and say, "Oh well, maybe next year. MAYBE. Now let's take a look at how Steven Avery's doing."**

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Regret nothing. Giphy

The beginning of a new year can provide you with a built-in excuse to try and kickstart a new habit. But it doesn't have to. January 1 is as good as day as December 2 or November 3 or any other day to start something, stop something or stay exactly the same. Don't get guilted into or out of a New Year's resolution by anyone, especially people who are convinced that the calendar is anything other than arbitrary and that time is anything other than a flat circle.

The only thing you 100 percent must do this new year is whatever the f*** you want...and watch Making a Murderer. You gotta do that.

**SPOILER ALERT** Not well. Avery's not doing well.

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