Escaped Prisoner Teaches Us How To Use Facebook Properly

Advertisement
Hey ladies, get ready to meet your new convict crush. He's smart, courteous, a total romantic "” and is on the run from police as we speak!

Not interested? Well maybe this clever criminal can at least teach you a thing or two about online privacy.

Introducing Nicholas Grove "” he may have successfully broken out of jail well over two weeks ago, but just because he's on the lam doesn't mean Nick has been neglecting his correspondence. 

Being the polite suspected felon that he is, the 26 year old has been using Facebook to keep in touch with all of his old friends. He also uses it to keep in touch with the new ones he'd made during his stay, like for instance, the Idaho police department. 

That's right, ever since his escape from Payette County Jail on August 26, Nick's been posting all sorts of status updates to let the cops know he's doing well and doesn't plan on getting caught any time soon. Amazingly, he still hasn't been! Who would have thought such actions would come from somebody originally charged for burglary and felony firearm possession?

In addition to teasing his law enforcement buddies, Nick has also been posting music video recommendations, poetry, and inspirational quotes such as: "Wanna find out who your friends are, get yourself a jail sentence." Of course a man smart enough to break out of jail would be quoting Bukowski. Swoon!

But Nick remains humble about his tremendous success on the prison break circuit. In fact, he recently told another one of his new friends "” local TV news reporter Andrea Lutz "” that the Payette County Jail had "more security flaws than any facility I've ever seen." The guy won't even take credit for being a criminal mastermind!

Speaking of boyfriend material, Nick is also true romantic. He has been answering reporter Lutz's questions via Facebook and even shared a juicy romantic secret "” the only reason why he still hasn't left the country is because of a certain very special girl.

Of course "” he did also mention that he has already acquired a brand new identity and that looking for him is pointless now because Nick Grove, according to Nick Grove himself, doesn't exist anymore.

But still, new identity or not, you'd think it would be impossible for a guy to evade police for close to 20 days now while Facebooking the whole time. That Website is the snitch of all snitches. These days, you can't send a single message or post a single picture without your location being announced to the world. Even without much activity, Facebook still seems to know where people are at all times, as made evident by the geographically specific advertising that makes its way into their news feeds that change if and when the user switches locations.

So why can't the police just track Nick's movements via social media? Wouldn't a manhunt warrant their gaining access to Facebook's private records, which would surely reveal where he's chatting from?

Well, it seems that while the rest of us are freaking out over Facebook constantly announcing our exact coordinates and whining about how its access to our personal information and locale is an invasion of privacy, Nick has come up with a brilliant solution: He turned off the location tracking feature on his account.

Just go into `account settings', unchecking a checkbox "” et voila "” apparently even the police will have no way of ever knowing where you are!

Or maybe not. The local news station is reporting that officials claim they have not been able to track Nick because he is using special technology to keep his location secret, and is operating from an anonymous Web service. In that case, I'm confused as to why Nick had any reason to burglarize anyone in the first place, if he really had the acumen of a CIA hacker this whole time.

But either way, he's doing something right. I'd like to see Nick get caught, not so much for his violation of the law, but more so because this man has somehow managed to beat the prison system, Facebook, the cops, and the Internet all in under a month! So I'm sure this savvy convict would put all his knowledge to good use and make a positive impact on society, if he'd only stop running from it.
Advertisement
Advertisement
You May Also Like
Jim Beam Just Released Its Own Version Of Alexa And It Will Pour You A Shot
The Christmas tree isn't the only thing getting lit this year.
This Is What Black Friday Looked Like In 1996
Take a look at these vintage ad scans and see the items people were lining up for over 20 years ago.
This Gadget Turns Your Android Phone Into A Gameboy For $50
We would like to take this moment to say: take my money.