When I was really young, my dad ran over our dog Bruno on Christmas Eve, and told us that Santa had run him over with his sleigh. For years, I believed Santa had accidentally killed our dog. Not sure how that was supposed to make things better. He could have said Bruno was adopted as a reindeer or something, not dead.
Redditor furgenhurgen's dad's lie wound up being a good piece of advice:
When I got my car at 16, my dad told me that if I ever ran out of gas, the mechanic would have to reprogram my car's computer and it would cost me over $1000. I made sure to keep the tank at least 1/4 full of gas because I didn't want to have to pay that money to get it fixed. It probably kept me from getting stranded out in the middle of nowhere and was a pretty clever little story to tell because I was already a penny pincher back then.
Almost 20 years later I brought this story up to him, and my dad swore up and down that he would never tell me a lie like that.
I used to have this huge stuffed teddy bear. I slept with it every night. My mom's boyfriend at the time was a truck driver, and they told me he took it along for a ride with him once, to use as a pillow. He didn't have it when he came home, and he told me that he had given it to a little homeless girl, and it had made her so happy. I had proudly told everyone at school about the story, and even had my teachers PRAY for the little girl (I was in a catholic school). My mom was just sick of the thing, and they didn't want me to be upset she had thrown it out. She told me years later, when I happened to bring up the story.
Most parents will do anything to keep their kid from crying. But this dad views making kids cry as a pastime. From Redditor Edweirdooo:
When i was younger, like 5 or so i fell asleep in the car while my dad and i were heading home. When i woke up he told me we had just drove through Africa and he saw giraffes and elephants and other wild life. Since i had just seen lion king i was furious! I was was super pissed and even cried, while he was laughing his ass off.
These parents did it all for the cookie. And we don't blame them one crumb. From Redditor WyattShale:
Not for my own benefit, but my parents told me that Milanos were "grownup cookies" and had something in them that children weren't supposed to eat or it would mess them up (like raw egg or alcohol or one of those other things I wasn't allowed).
Only "stupid, irresponsible parents" put them in their kids' lunches.
Redditor RGBacon's mom deserves an award for this clever trick. As far as lies go, this one is the cream of the crop:
When I was much younger, around 8 or 9, I was quite a hyper child. This was particularly bad when we would go out to restaurants, so to keep me occupied/sit still, my mom would give me a half & half packet (the milk that you put in coffee) and tell me to shake it until I made butter. I believed this until I was 16, when one of my friends asked me what I was doing to the half & half. I brought it up to my mom after, and she laughed at told me that she just wanted me to behave and sit still. I still do this to this day due to habit.
Redditor theytookmykidney proves that siblings can get into the "little white lie" game, too.
My older sister told me that Ronald McDonald had red hair and a red mouth because of all the kids he ate, I was terrified of him for years. The same older sister taught me the words cow and horse only she said a cow was a horse and a horse was a cow so for years I was confused about what a cow was.
We're surprised Redditor dangoodspeed doesn't have a fear of washing machines:
When I was a little kid, I remember standing in line at KMart customer service and the woman behind the counter had her arm cut off at the elbow. I'm sure I was being the typically loud kid asking my mom how it happened, so she just told me "She put her arm in the washing machine." It definitely shut me up and got me thinking about how dangerous the washing machine is. Just lately I was reminded of the story, and started thinking "I bet the arm-taking washing machine never existed.
This Redditor's dad is a demented genius. He not only managed to prank his son but his son's entire class:
From the time I was very young, my dad and I would watch movies together and, when the FBI warning came on at the beginning of every film, we would stand and salute. He convinced me that if we did not show respect for the FBI and their warnings on VHS tapes, we would be arrested. Then one day, my kindergarten teacher showed Lion King II. I was a very tall child and sat in the front of the class, so when I stood to salute the FBI warning, everyone noticed. My teacher had to tell my mom because I had scared my classmates by telling them they were all going to jail.