It all started in 1959 when Barbie entered the modeling scene. All her friends thought she was living the dream, but Barbie was left wanting more. She set aside the swimsuits and sunglasses and started to pound the pavement, looking for her next big break.
Within a few short years, Barbie had become a real career woman. Sure, they called her a career "girl," but she didn't let that kind of language get her down. Perfectly coiffed and dressed in a tasteful skirt suit, Barbie started at the bottom and worked her way up.
After two years in an office environment, Barbie had reached the top rung of the corporate ladder and decided to go even higher. To outer space! A full four years before a human landed on the moon, Barbie claimed it for all dollkind.
After returning to Earth, Barbie was ready to hone her talents in the health sector. Despite never attending medical school, she became a highly sought-after doll surgeon in short order. Her Cranial Reattachment Procedure was considered groundbreaking, and it gave many dolls a second chance at life.
After her stint in pageantry, Barbie tried to settle into life in the private sector. She became a distinguished aerobics instructor, despite not being able to bend her elbows, knees, or ankles. Still, Barbie found herself longing for the spotlight....
Perhaps the second trip to space gave Barbie's music fans some time to prepare for her transition from rock to rap. Performing as B Sugar, Barbie laid down some slick beats, ill rhymes and other rap things.
Later that same year, Barbie attempted her biggest career move yet and ran for President of the United States. Political pundits failed to take her seriously, often dismissing her on account of her "inappropriate" wardrobe. Personally, I would love to see a U.S. President rock a ball gown, but maybe that's just me.
After a devastating loss in the presidential election, Barbie ran away and joined the Rockettes (her unarticulated legs guaranteed her a spot, even without an audition). Barbie enjoyed some semblance of anonymity among the identical dancers, but found she still couldn't quite shake the embarrassment of her first large-scale failure. Once again, Barbie felt the need to escape.
And so it was that Barbie found herself in outer space for a third time. After all, in space no one can here you scream. Also, no one can here you scream if you physically can't scream because your mouth is actually just a plastered-on smile.
After returning yet again to her home planet, Barbie avoided the public eye and became a pet doctor. (I know what you're thinking. A pet doctor is the same as a veterinarian, right? Nope! Barbie was a veterinarian in 1985. A pet doctor is obviously completely different.)
Having enjoyed a certain level of success with living animals, Barbie decided to try her hand at digging up dead ones. As a paleontologist, she finally began to overcome the sense of defeat. Maybe she'd try running for president again! But first....
A quick stretch in the WNBA was just what the doctor ordered (also, that doctor was Barbie). In no time at all, Barbie's knees and elbows could bend, and she was ready once again to take on her biggest challenge.
This time around, Barbie ditched the ballgown in favor of a more tasteful bob and pantsuit. Despite her changed appearance, constituents still had issues with her platform (and platform shoes) and Barbie once again suffered a loss.
Although Barbie was disappointed, she took the defeat in stride, once again joining the health sector. As a children's doctor, Barbie forged a strong bond with her little sister Kelly (who was a huge klutz and often needed medical care). One day, Kelly expressed her desire to become an artist. There was only one thing for Barbie to do....
Barbie became an art teacher to help Kelly realize her dream. However, Barbie quickly became annoyed with Kelly's complete lack of originality (evidenced here by Kelly's outfit, which is identical to Barbie's). Barbie eventually quit giving art lessons and once again set off to pave her own way in the world.
2004 snuck up on Barbie and before she knew what was happening, she found herself running in yet another presidential election. As an homage to her first presidential campaign, she fashioned a scrap of the infamous ballgown into an ascot, and wore it with a red pantsuit. She lost the election (of course).
Once again showing her indomitable spirit, Barbie focused on something she knew she could win: American Idol. She was actually a frontrunner in the competition until someone let slip that she had already had an illustrious music career back in the '80s and '90s, thereby disqualifying her.
Not to be deterred, Barbie attempted once again to escape the planet. However, NASA finally put its foot down and declared her unfit for space travel. As a consolation, Barbie was offered a trainer position at space camp. She enjoyed riding in the zero gravity chamber, but was often heard saying it "just wasn't the same." Barbie attempted once again to run for office in 2008, but not even she took herself seriously.
2012 marked Barbie's most recent unsuccessful run for office. She has not yet declared her candidacy for the 2016 election, but one can only assume we'll see her name on the ballot. In the meantime, it would appear that she has plenty of careers to fall back on. Regardless of her career steps and missteps, she'll always be our favorite employee.