You know, not to undercut this guy's book, but I hear that the Bible takes surprisingly few positions on the merits of the iPod. It turns out that Christ Almighty actually had a Zune. That's so embarrassing for him.
Finally, a book that phrases God's word in a way that young people can understand! Because, as every movie about a teacher working at an inner-city school has shown us, the real way to connect with teenagers is by adopting outdated slang and occasionally breaking out into an awkward hip hop song.
9. Spirituality That Melts in Your Mouth, Not in Your Hands
This book is about being "hip" while still listening to God's teachings. That's all well and good, but do you know the quickest way not to be seen as cool or awesome by your peers? Reading this book in public at your high school.
I've never thought about it before, but I guess there's a lot about Jesus that speaks to hipsters. For starters, he had that sweet facial hair, he was totally into woodworking, he had followers way before Twitter was a thing, and let's not forget about those sweet sandals...
Don't you hate how God never gives cash prizes? I mean, sure, you can win a boat or a vacation to Cancun from Him, but then you have to pay taxes on it! Wait, hang on. I was thinking of Drew Carey, not God.
Have you so given up on getting any action on Earth that you're now reading books on how to score chicks in the afterlife? Well, I've got a bit of bad news for you: If you find yourself in heaven, the girls that you'll actually want to hook up with are probably going to be at the other place. That's where the party's at.
Who needs doctors? Scientific studies have proven that when a person begins suffering from explosive diarrhea, the best way to treat their symptoms is by reading the Bible. Side note: While you do that, you may want to have a few spare pairs of pants handy.
As this book enlightens us, it turns out that the Bible was actually full of references to dinosaurs! So, this brings up my next question: Why did the biblical authors bore us with constant stories of one guy walking around lecturing people, when they could have written Jurassic Park?
This book is written in the style of a TV interview with the writers of the New Testament, because we all know that the best way to present biblical teachings is by emulating The View. I can't wait to hear what Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John think about Miley Cyrus' new haircut.
19. Can't We Settle Differences with Mario Kart Instead?
Good thing this book comes in audio form. What if Satan had barged into the room while you were trying to read? Hey, now that I think about it, you should never hold anything in your hands ever again. Gotta have those fists ready for the title bout, whenever it may happen...
When Jesus was resurrected, everybody made a big deal about it, while casually ignoring the fact that THE DUDE WAS NOW A ZOMBIE! This book finally exposes that truth, along with the sad aftermath in which... people don't want to play with Him? ...I guess?