If you’ve been on the internet in the past month or haven’t been living with your head buried in sand, you’ve heard of the Unicorn frappucino. And then the overwhelming barrage of others that came in its place (it was, after all, only available for a limited time, to the relief of Starbucks employees across the nation.) Cherry pie frap? Birthday frap? Rolo? Dragon? Mermaid? Are these still drinks we’re talking about, or is Starbucks developing an army of mythical creatures?
2. At The End Of The World, Starbucks Cups Will Probably Still Survive
Like many of us, you might be asking - will it ever end? Well, the answer is no. The slew of sweetness that are Starbucks limited edition frappucinos will never go out of style...just like Taylor Swift.
3. If I Say I Like Pumpkin Spice, Will I Still Be An Individual?
So what’s on the horizon? Remember it is September, and that means it’s pumpkin spice month. And that means pumpkin spice lattes at Starbucks. But that’s not all that’s ready to be sipped. There’s another frappucino hiding on Starbucks secret menu, and it’s a mouthful in more ways than one: the pumpkin cheesecake frappuccino.
There was only one thing to do: Go find this frap before autumn changes to winter and we’re warming our hands with peppermint drinks instead of taking in the flavors of fall. So I took a trip to my local Starbucks to make my sweet dreams into reality.
5. Coffee Is Only For Days Ending In Y, So This Is Okay
I thanked my lucky Star-bucks (see what we did there?) that shop I targeted had no line - it’s hard to shake the feeling that when you’re ordering something complicated, the barista isn’t silently cursing you in their heads. The fact that my order was over the amount of syllables I could count on one hand didn’t help ease that thought, either.
It also didn’t help that the pumpkin cheesecake frappucino came off the secret menu. My barista was as sweet as the drink I had come to retrieve, but when I first ordered looked as confused as if I had ordered decaf on a Monday morning. (Hey, I’m sensitive to caffeine, okay?) Take what you learned from Boy Scouts and be prepared. Have the recipe pulled up for reference just in case.
And that recipe sounds like something from the final rounds of Master Chef. I ordered a tall. It starts with a creme based pumpkin spice frappuccino. Which on its own is a tall order. But it doesn’t stop there. Add a pump of cinnamon dolce syrup, a pump of white mocha syrup, and a scoop of vanilla bean powder. If you’re getting a grande, double that recipe. If you’re getting a venti - well, just don’t do that, okay?
Have your Starbucks app ready and loaded. Or, just be prepared to spend a lot if you’re one of those people that pays with, you know, regular money. Those extra scoops and pumps all stack up to a pretty penny.
9. Don't Judge Me For Taking Pictures Of My Drinks, You All Do It Too
I shuffled over to the pickup station, anticipating the delights of the drink I was about to hold in my hand. And that fact that I probably shouldn’t have any more sugar after drinking it for the next few years or so of my life. I also tried not to notice the look of despair on the barista’s face who saw the complication of the drink order. When my name was called, I grabbed it with a quick “thank you” and remembered to add a tip to my receipt on the app later.
10. I Can't Decide If I Like It, Or I'm Just Supposed To Like It
As I unwrapped my green straw, I could basically hear the fanfare of trumpets in my head. They swelled when I took my first drink. And then kind of quieted out to some pleasant background Muzak. Pumpkin cheesecake frappuccino, you’re hard to say, and you’re kind of hard to swallow. You’re so incredibly sweet that you should down to Texas and start your own new line of tea. But you’re also...kind of good. Yeah, sugar, we're goin' down swinging.
Personally, if I had no idea what this drink was called and I was forced to drink it at gunpoint, I’d say it was some kind of fall-flavored-over-the-top-sugar-rush for your mouth. Obviously, I had to go seek out some professional advice.
I wasn’t the only one who thought the frappucino was too much for the tastebuds. Besides reminding my friend of chunky sweaters and falling leaves, she said it tasted like candy corn. Or perhaps pumpkin pie. Some kind of cereal from childhood that was so full of sugar that no matter how much you begged your mom in the grocery store, you were never allowed to have it?
“Would you order this drink?” I asked. “Nah,” she replied. There we have it. And honestly, if I was setting up camp in Starbucks for the day to type away on my computer, this would not be my go-to. It would probably not even be my guilty pleasure, because it made me feel really, really guilty. It’s a novelty, something to say “hey, check out this thing I got” and post on your Instagram (which, yes, yes I did.)
14. Food Should Stay Food And Drinks Should Stay Drinks
I couldn’t get through the whole drink in one sitting, even after having shared its sugary contents with friends. But when it was sitting in the cup holder in my car, I couldn’t stop reaching for it. Something about that blend of spice and cream had my brain receptors lighting up - it’s addicting. According to another friend, it’s “okay.” Yeah, pumpkin cheesecake. Like narwhals and unicorns, some things may be better off remaining solid.
If you’re a ten-year-old child with a candy addiction, get this drink. If you’re adjusted to the normal tastes and flavors of regular foods, you might want to skip it. But make your mind up quick, pumpkin spice is not here to stay. For seasonal indulgences, I’ll stick to my s’mores frappucinos and immediate three mile runs, but there’s no denying that the pumpkin cheesecake frappucino welcomes fall in with a bang.