Well, Rick Astley certainly developed some trust issues. He was told that love was eternal and forever. The boy on the left was hopeful and idealistic. The MAN on the right knows how things really are. He is wise and he tells it like it is. 

Poor, poor Rick. I guess he did give you up, he did let you down, he did run around and he most certainly did desert you.

Excuse me, you mean I have to spend an extra .2 seconds doing something about my health? No, thank you. The only reason I take vitamins in the first place is to make up for all the damage I do to my body every day. That's healthy, right?

This is an absurdly cruel joke. I would rather you tell me that Karen from accounting died in a horrific car accident the night before (because, you know, it's Karen and she is the WORST). But, don’t tempt me with doughy delights and then present me with cold, hard carrot sticks. 

Great, I’m glad to know the tax dollars that were spent on the city’s recycling initiative are going to a good place: the town dump. Thanks for at least pretending that something is being done. Come on, in this age of post-Inconvenient Truth we can’t get away with stuff like this. 

Hey, I’m a fan of a savory and sweet mix, but this is just messed up. Even though, my grandfather could literally eat an entire onion raw. No, my grandfather was not Shrek, though I can totally see the resemblance. 

Maybe this is meant to be an ironic door. You know, like Rene Magritte’s “The Treachery of Images"? Well, doors tend to lead to somewhere and if it leads nowhere, maybe then it ceases to be a door?

MIND...BLOWN.

You’ve got about a 50/50 chance of that either being filled with cookies or filled with sewing utensils. If that is at your grandmother’s house, that drops down to 70/30, in favor of sewing supplies. If grandma has butter cookies somewhere in the house, only she knows. 

Well, I heard that there is a quota for how many cats you can have in the house at one time. So, when I’m 45-years-old, and I’ve got the legal cat limit, I’ll switch to ferrets to officially strike the last nail in the coffin of my social life. There will not be one person who wants to come over. 

Well, you can tell these are fake cause not one girl on the planet holds her boobs like this. Girls will send selfies like this to boys to mess with them, and good for them. If I get one more “send nudes” message from Tinder, I’m officially taking pics of my nude lipsticks collection.

Well, the Navy should change their motto to, “See MOST of the World.” Wait, scratch that. They should change it to “Sea MOST of the World.” Did you see what I did there? Nailed it.

I swear, some girls will snap themselves in half to get that butt arch. Guys, if a girl sends you a nude and her back is super arched, you should know she’s got a flat butt. Also, if it’s a bathroom butt selfie, don’t trust the butt if she’s sitting on the counter. 

Umm … I need this doctor’s office in my life. This staff obviously has a great sense of humor to print cups like that. Obviously, those are not the actual piss cups, as they are all standardized plastic bio-hazardous waste-safe containers. I know this cause I submit a lot of urine samples. 

Never in all of the 3,478 times I bought Kraft mac and cheese, or any other “side-opening” container, did I actually use the side tab to open it. It usually consists of me angrily trying to pole through the tab about ten times. Then I get too fed up and rip the entire top off. 

Oh, great, I was hoping that this climb would be my last one. There needs to be a massive recall of this product. This is the most misleading and dangerous advertising I’ve ever seen. And...what's it suitable for then???!!

I wouldn’t trust Megan to say “hello” to me. I wouldn’t trust Megan to tell me what time it is. I wouldn’t trust Megan to tell me that no cars are coming when I’m crossing the street. Elli May, Megan is trying to destroy you.