They were actually made from parachute material and felt good to wear. (Okay, really good.) You could not put keys or a wallet in them because that would ruin the effect of wearing them in the first place, but not having money and being locked out of your house was a small price to pay for fashion. 

Say you really wanted to be seen as a serious musician but don't have the effort, talent or patience to actually take the time to become one. What is a pretend musician to do?

Buy a piano scarf. Dilemma solved.

Listen, I'm not one to tell a person what to do (yes, I am ”” I totally am), but you really should not be allowed to wear this shirt unless it is unbuttoned to the naval and you have the chest hair growth equivalent of Bigfoot. That's just good fashion sense. 

Leaving one of the straps open was the ultimate in cool. Everyone did it...except farmers, who knew better to remain unstrapped around farm equipment.

You know the story of the little old woman who lived in a shoe? Yeah, this was where she lived, and she boogied down and got funky with her bad self to the break of dawn.

They made your feet hurt. They made your feet sweat. They made your feet stink. But you wore them anyway because all women's shoes make your feet hurt, sweat and stink.

It's not any more ridiculous than Trucker hats with Affliciton t-shirts. Seriously, let's bring it back. (See? See what I did there?)

Starter Jackets - for the guy who likes sports but would never be a starter on any team in any sport...ever. 

High-waisted, baggy at the thigh but pegged at the bottom, and it came with its own belt. We ask for much and you do nothing but deliver. God bless you, Z Cavaricci.

"Do people come up to you and ask you if you like playing pool?"

"Yes."

"Do they do that all the time?"

"Yes."

"Do you regret buying that jacket, then?"

*as a single tear drops*

"Yes."

Wearing not one, not two, but three Swatch watches on the same wrist meant you were at the pinnacle of '80s fashion. Ahhh, the '80s...when going way overboard on even the most trivial of things was par for the course.

In the '90s, it was a county, state and federal law that you had to wear a vest with at least 83.7% of your wardrobe. Failure to do so could result in a $50.00 fine and having your hair gel privileges temporarily restricted. 

No one ever did actual exercise in a shell suit. Why would you? Exercise would mess up the look you're going for; the look that you like to exercise.

Though in the '80s you could get a Miami Vice suit in virtually any mall in America, it was still a really hard look to pull off properly. Not all of us could look as cool as Donny J and P-to-the-M-to-the-T. (Those are my personal nicknames for these two. I am the only one allowed to call them that.)

Scrunchies looked playful but, in reality, when a women put her hair in one she meant business. What kind of business? I have no idea. Women are complicated.