Ahhh, Zima. Nothing screamed 1990s like this clear, overly sweet malt beverage. It was so '90s that even if you combined baggy jeans, puka shell necklaces and the entire cast of Beverly Hills, 90210 all together, you still wouldn't reach the level of '90s like Zima did. Even a bottle of CK1 looks at Zima and goes, "Damn. Now that is '90s AF."
Let's be honest; the flavor of Zima was nothing to write home about. It didn't taste any better or worse than a Bud Dry, a Bacardi Breezer, or even a Purple Passion. But what Zima did have going for it (besides that ridiculously awesome bottle) were its commercials. Some tried to be cool. Some tried to be funny. But all of them were awesome in that '90s way that can only be described as, "da bomb."
Zima was an early adopter of that crazy fad called the internet, withone of the first-ever websites for a food or beverage product. The site had a downloadable Zima game and a soap opera-themed video series. Yeah...in your face, Mike's Hard Lemonade!
So when Zima debuted in the early '90s, it was an immediate hit. But after only a few short years, the popular beverage began to falter. Why? Well, according to Pete Coors, now the vice chairman of the board of directors for MillerCoors owner Molson Coors, "We decided to do Zima Gold, which was a huge disaster. And then we decided to take the nice fluted bottle and make it into a generic bottle. We killed the brand, frankly."
Coors recently announced that Zima product is already in distributor warehouses and will "allegedly be offered for a limited time only." So for those of you who for the past several years have been crying about the demise of Zima into your $17, barrel-aged rye Old Fashioned made by a bearded mixologist named Beckett, this should give you something to celebrate.
A MillerCoors spokesman told Ad Age that "more news [is] coming soon," and "if you're one of the zillion fans who have missed Zima, the answer should be clear." Guys, get it?! Zillion? Clear? We're having fun here.
So the day when Zima officially comes available to all of us (I will give 20 to 1 odds that they call that day "Z Day"), you might wanna stock up on some other '90s goodies, like Jolly Ranchers. To put it bluntly, if you weren't dropping a few watermelon Jolly Ranchers into your ice cold glass of Zima, then you were doing life all wrong.
And while you're at it, you might as well decide on what '90s music to listen to while zipping on a Zima. (I regret nothing.) Not something from Soul Asylum. Not anything from the Gin Blossoms. Really, there is only one musical choice...and it's this.
This isn't the first time a clear beverage from the '90s has tried to make a comeback. Clearly Canadian, that sparkling water that still tasted like a soda but you could trick yourself into thinking was healthy, attempted a comeback in 2015 with a crowdfunding campaign that struggled to get their fans their Clearly Canadian orders in a timely manner. And if our neighbors from the north can't get it right, what hope is there for the rest of us?
12. Crystal Pepsi Comeback, Because Why The Hell Not?
And how about Crystal Pepsi? Last year, Pepsi did a limited run of their see-through soda. We're not saying they were jumping on the nostalgia bandwagon; we're just saying that no one in their right mind drank Crystal Pepsi in the '90s. (Yeah, we said it. Come at us in the comments. We ain't scurred!)
So if the Zima rebirth is successful, what other boozy beverages should they bring back from the dead? We took a poll* at the Guff offices, and the number one answer was Seagram's Wine Coolers. If it was good enough for Bruce Willis, it's good enough for us.
(*Full disclosure: The poll sample size was one person.)