You have value. You are somebody. You are worthy of good things. So why are you wasting your time on crappy, store-bought salad dressings? Make your own dressing. It's easy, healthier and you'll save money. You'll also no longer feel that wave of self-loathing that overtakes you in the middle of every night.
What, buying salad dressing doesn't fill you with self-loathing? You're weird.
You know how people hate the word "moist"? Well, lettuce hates moist even more. No one likes moist lettuce. Moist lettuce leads to slimy and wilted salad, and the world cannot abide by that. Lettuce should be dry, not moist. Moist is bad.
Kale salad is one of the best salads you can make and a great way to make it the best of the best is to massage it like hell. Massaging your kale turns the once bitter, tough leaves into something soft and silky. So go ahead and get all up in that kale's business.
Sorry if I'm getting to sexual with the salad-making...no, I'm not.
Throwing different herbs into your salad such as mint, basil, lemon herbs, even parsley (parsley? Whaaa?) can enhance your salad experience by up to 47 percent. That is not made up. That is a scientific fact discovered by our crack Guff scientific team...who's just one guy...and his name is Chet.
8. People Love People Who Eat Salad With Chopsticks
People tend to eat salads for weight loss, and what better way to lose weight than to eat it with two, skinny wooden sticks? The act of using chopsticks will help you eat slower, thus making you feel full quicker. Plus, it gives you the added bonus of saying to your co-workers,"Yeah, I eat salad with chopsticks. You mean you don't?"
Salad is the little black dress of the food world. It goes with everything, so go ahead and throw those leftovers just sitting in your fridge into it. Leftover grilled veggies, leftover salmon, leftover quinoa ”” virtually anything. Hell, put sliced-up pieces of leftover pizza in your salad if you want. It's your salad and don't let anyone tell you what you can or cannot do with it.
Except for me...cause I am writing this article.
10. When Cherry Tomatoes Become Just Too Big to Consume
Listen, crunch is crucial in a salad. It makes for a more interesting eat. But you don't need croutons for tha t crunch. Nuts do the same thing, all while adding a better nutrition component. Besides, cr outons are bougie. Nuts are classy like a mofo.
12. Would You Like an Album By The National With Your Salad?
Mason jars are an easy way to bring your salad to work and can keep your salad fresher than if they were in plastic containers. They also make you seem super cool. Because mason jars aren't just for hipsters.*
(*Yes, they are. They totally are. You're a hipster. Own it.)
Throwing some full-fat cheese into your healthy salad is a great way to make yourself feel fuller longer while adding more protein to your diet. Because nothing is worse than eating a salad and still feeling hungry.
See? Salad's not as easy as you think. I accept your apology.