You ever get aroused watching a man in a thong staple his butt cheeks together?
Me, too. But it's hard to adequately chill when you're laughing so hard you can't breathe. It's especially hard for other people to chill with you when they realize you're actually an eight-year-old piloting an adult body like a Gundam.
A musical sounds like a great idea. Add a little rhythm and atmosphere to your upcoming, ahem, chilling. Just make sure all the songs aren't going to be gloomy, depressing numbers about revolution, suicide and other terrible, spoiler-if-I-keep-going things.
A horror movie should be good, right? Get scared, nuzzle up to each other and let the consoling commence. Just be sure to know what's in store. The opening sequence of this deep cut in the Saw franchise features two people in a race to cut off the most of their own flesh, with the loser having their head penetrated by screws. While this does easily lead to amazing pick-up line opportunities, extreme gore isn't the best aphrodisiac.
Raise your hand if you've Netflix and chilled to this movie.
Okay, from experience, this is a movie that you don't want to watch in thirty second intervals every five to ten minutes. Flying sharks, diving chainsaws, a dog, maybe? It's all a blur. A weird, unsexy, unsatisfactory blur. Avoid.
This seems like a surefire winner. There's romance, action and everyone and their lusty grandmother has seen it, so you don't have to worry about missing much. One tiny problem: the massive length. There's nothing more crushing to your ego than when you finish, ahem, chilling, and still have two hours and forty-five minutes left in the movie.
This is a series of nature documentaries that — while beautiful — plays out like a series of desktop backgrounds set to new age music. This is the perfect series to instantly fall asleep to, which will foil all of your schemes.
A cutesy movie to get them laughing, and not intrusive enough to ruin your good time. What's the problem? Well, say you have a young nephew or niece, and while visiting, they decide to watch the same movie as you and your chill companion. No. Thanks.
This is a 1989 film starring wrestler Hulk Hogan, where he portrays a wrestler in a world where wrestling is real, dookie jokes are apparently hilarious, and plot and pacing are non-existent. This film is like a twelve car pileup: you feel terrible for everyone involved, but you just can't pull yourself away from it long enough to copulate.