Are you sitting as you read this? I hope you are, because this news will change your life forever. Your life source, your soulmate, your one true reason for being — or "pizza," as it's commonly referred to — may be healthier for you than previously thought.
A study conducted by the University of California San Francisco found that the health of obese children is vastly improved when they reduced the amount of sugar in their diet, yet maintained the same amount of calories. That's great, but what does it have to do with pizza?
The types of low-sugar food given to the kids in the study included turkey hot dogs, potato chips and pizza. After nine days of limiting sugar, their blood pressure and cholesterol decreased and their liver functions improved. Now, I'm no scientist, but I've seen enough presidential debates to know how to spin information, and I do believe this study proves that pizza is good for you!
Now that you know pizza is healthy for you, it's time to figure out your all-pizza diet. Breakfast foods are already pretty heavy: pancakes, waffles, french toast, doughnuts; you're definitely going to want something just as heavy to get you through to lunch. I suggest a Chicago deep dish pizza. That inch-and-a-half-thick layer of cheese will keep you full for hours. Put some fruit on it, like pineapple, to make it even healthier!
It's mid-afternoon and your stomach is gurgling. It could be a sign that your stomach is urging you to stop, but it's most likely just hungry for more pizza. I like to go even lighter and get one of those personal-sized pizzas, just to get me to dinner. Occasionally, I'll stick an American flag in there, because nothing says America like appropriating something from another country.