A for effort. A+ for the Speedos.
They say that the best way to eat an elephant is one bite at a time... But who are these sick freaks that are eating whole elephants?
Never stop reaching for your dreams. Even if they're really, really high.
Even cute little girls can be wrong. Annie doesn't know for sure if the sun's gonna come out tomorrow. Who does she think she is?!
Similar to the Titanic, this woman took no one's advice while planning. Here's hoping she got a good "pre-order" deal.
Did you know that the Australian phrase "Bob's your uncle" means about the same thing as voilà? Also, this woman is a terrible magician.
You can't just show up to a date with a box of condoms. However, you can always show up to a date with flowers in the hopes of getting laid.
Always look on the bright side of life...even if you live in a place with 364 days of rain. Or just move to California.
As my mom alway used to say, "Shoot for the moon and if you miss, at least you'll land amongst the stars." But, like, try for the moon, you know?
That's gonna really help when those propane tanks explode. You might also need a bottle of water, just in case.
One man's trash is another man's treasure. One man's flooded home is another man's home with a swimming pool!
If your milkshake doesn't bring all the boys to the yard, don't sweat it. Just try a smoothie or a Playstation or something.
If you put this clock up in your office, you're legally allowed to drink at work.*
*I just made this up.
As Dori from Finding Nemo would say, "Just keep swimming!" As Whitney from Guff would say, "Burn the place to the ground and go get drunk."
In life, it's not about how big your pond is. It's about what you make out of your pond. Just so we're clear, your pond is an analogy for your life.