If you shelled out the $3.50 for one of these, you were mailed a regular rock that was covered with glow-in-the-dark green paint. Also, your name was added to a watch list of potential Superman enemies. (Why are you so eager to buy kryptonite, kid?)
No, you can't see through women's clothes with a pair of cheap cardboard glasses, you perv. That responsibility is sacred in our society, which is why only the most gifted graduates of the TSA's weekend seminar are trusted with it.
The ad promised "weeks and weeks of thrilling fun." What kids actually got were packets of grass seeds and plastic pots with monster faces on them. That's right, they literally paid money to watch grass grow.
A bit of research found that the "life-size moon monster" was just a cheap wall poster (of course). Even worse, though, was that the 3 "bonus monster masks" were in fact just photo copies of latex masks!
Perhaps this was all an elaborate art project meant to teach kids that the real monster...was greed.
Notice they said, "big enough for 2-3 kids," and not "Fits 2-3 kids." That's because this was nothing but a vinyl wall decal of a log cabin.
I guess the rationale was that three kids could stare at a decal and think to themselves, "Yeah, that's big enough for me." But, once four or five children came over, they'd all start to realize what a rip-off this was.
The "free miniature monkey" ad was placed by a photo enlargement and colorization service called Dean Studios. If you could refer 20 friends to buy Dean's overpriced mail-order photo prints, they really would send you a small monkey that was illegally transported here from South America.