So, are you worried that you and your significant other have been fighting? Sometimes fighting can take a toll on your relationship, but sometimes you need to fight to be able to move forward as a couple. So how do you know that the fights that you are having with your partner are normal?
Some couples get off on being in a tumultuous relationship. Some people see fighting as a way to express passion and believe that the more they fight, the deeper their love is for one another. This is not really a healthy way to love someone.
And then maybe you know the couple that doesn’t fight at all. But, what this really means is that one or both people aren’t truly getting what they want. They are always doing what the other person wants and it is all very one sided or one of both have completely checked out. In the end, they will wind up resenting the other person and because of the lack of communication, this couple is never going to make it in the long run.
So if too much fighting is bad and no fighting at all is even worse, how do we know what the right amount of fighting is? Elite Daily reached out to dating coach Erika Ettin for some insight. Here are some ways to know if the fights that you are having with your partner are normal or destructive.
According to Ettin, “fighting is completely normal and healthy in any relationship...Sometimes, the unhealthiest relationships are the ones where everything seems A-OK, but issues are bubbling under the surface without being discussed.”
Ettin says that talking things out immediately after you fight is a sign that you are participating in healthy fighting. If you don’t drag things out or go to bed angry than you should be just fine. Lay off on being passive-aggressive and just talk to one another and resolve the situation in one sitting, no matter how big or how small the fight is.
The worst thing that you can do in a relationship is hold a grudge. If you guys sat down and resolved it then that is that! There is no more bringing up the issue in the relationship just to make a point or throw it in their face.
This means that you have to really get over it when you resolve it. You can’t pretend to get over it and then harbor resentment. You can’t just say that you don’t care because you want to go to bed and forget about it. You have to really, really get over it.
If you have a list in your head of all the annoying things your partner does, then you guys are in trouble. Ettin believes that when you fight fair, “you fight about the one issue at stake, not dragging previous issues into it.”
One issue at a time and your relationship can move forward.
As mentioned before, communication is key. Being honest and open and true to yourself while also taking care of your partner. Conflicts will always be there, but If you can work together to resolve them than you guys are golden.
You should never sacrifice your needs for peace. If you find yourself bending in a way that you don’t want to just to appease your partner, that won’t work either. In the end, everyone must find a way to feel taken care of in order to move on.
Fighting comes with being in any relationship. Everyone fights, and it doesn’t mean you guys are doomed or broken or that you aren’t right for one another. It just means you need to get something off your chest, resolve it and move on. But really move on. Don’t just say you’ve moved on and then secretly hate your partner. Are you sure you are over it? Great.