"Guys, I've gathered every popular internet visual I could find. Everyone take a pair of scissors and a glue stick and let's make us a millennial collage. Then we'll slap the car over the top. Or not. Either way, they'll definitely buy it."
"Alright, everyone needs health insurance, even millennials, but how do we get them to do something so mundane without killing their vibe, man? Dogs and words. That'll do it. And colors, lots of colors. Facebook!"
"Everyone knows the English language is dying out and we've got to be ahead of the curve. As of today, Juicy Fruit is officially switching to Emoji speak for all of its future ad campaigns. Yes, Steve, including our New Year's special. Haven't you seen the confetti Emoji? Get with it man!"
"Since hiring Kevin last month, sales have skyrocketed and the best part is that he's too young to work so we pay him in video games.This ad, ladies and gentlemen, is a perfect example of his expert methods of connecting with the 'kids'. Genius."
"More and more young people are being hit by buses, but why? After interacting with my 17-year-old niece recently, I discovered her attention span only lasted up to a certain amount of words. Spoken or written. So, we must do as the Romans do and abbreviate our safety messages. We're saving lives here, people!"
"Our audience WILL engage with our online content, we just need to give them the right tools. So, we've added these commonly used exclamations to allow them to express themselves without any confusion."
"We've got to do something about Apple. They've got 99 percent of the under-30 market. They're CRUSHING us. Harry in accounting DJs on weekends and he says that everyone's talking about this 'Skrillex' character. So that is our idea... And puns."
"These darn students never listen; they've always got their heads in their phones. Well, if you can't beat 'em, join 'em, hence our 2016 vaccine poster. Gladys, as school nurse, I guarantee you will never be busier."
"Let's not pretend we are a desirable company. We all know this is a terrible gift, but we have a quota to fill or we all lose our jobs. This design will get kids spending like there's no tomorrow and, if it doesn't, then FML."