There really are no words adequate to describe how creepy it was to see a child playing with one of these. Hopefully more parents bought these as gag gifts at bachelorette parties as opposed to an actual toy for their children.
I remember one time my brother came home with these beans and I thought they were magical. Little did I know their magic actually came from the larva of a moth. That's right. Inside these beans or "seed pods" are live larva. They jump when they are heated because they are actually spasming, trying to move to a cooler environment. Leaving the beans in direct sunlight for long periods of time can kill the larva. So there you have it. One of the play things of our youth was a dead larva pod.
Known as "the talking board," Ouija boards can still be found at toy retailers like Toys "R" Us and Target. To some they are a portal to the supernatural world, to others they are a waste of $20. Whatever you may feel about Ouija boards, the fact that they are a child's toy (ages 8 and up) with the sole premise of contacting the dead, is pretty creepy. If you are going to try to open a door to the other world, at least wait until college. That's when you are supposed to experiment anyways.
The "bird and bees" talk got a whole lot more awkward when this doll came out. This vintage toy was marketed as "a natural way for your child to learn" but the only thing anatomically correct about it is the baby being being upside down. The baby actually springs out of the tummy, and can go back in mommy's tummy as well. Unless you were teaching your child about some sort of asexual kangaroo, this was probably not the best way to discuss the "birds and bees."
When N*sync released their album "No Strings Attached," there was utter pandemonium amongst teen girls, and their moms. Someone in their marketing team thought it would be a good idea to portray the boys as marionettes-- although telling people you are literally a puppet in the entertainment industry probably isn't the best idea. With their creepy faces and the body design of a ventriloquist dummy, I'm surprised these were even popular at all. Even Lance Bass on the far left looks like he wants you to say "Bye Bye Bye"...to your skin.
We had "Home Alone" to thank for the rise in popularity of the Talkboy. This cassette player and recorder was originally just a prop for the movie, but after much urging by fans, was made available in stores. What's creepier than the slow-mo control that makes people sound like zombies? The fact that children are recording people. Kids already repeat everything they hear, but now they can record it. This was a show-and-tell disaster waiting to happen.
If you were an anti-social child, then "playtime" was often code for reading books alone by yourself. And if you were like me, your idea of playing was reading these by flashlight in your bedroom or when your parents weren't home. The illustrations in these books are enough to scare even the adult version of me. It is creepy to look back now and realize these were sold at our school book fairs. I vividly remember the tale of "Harold," a scarecrow who skins a boy alive. The series is rumored to receive its own movie sometime in the near future. There is no word on whether Harold and his skinned corpse will be in it.
This creepy baby doll was perhaps the most life-like of its time. That is because it possessed the ability to both cry and urinate. It could also do these without batteries as well, which makes this even more terrifying. The idea of dealing with a real baby is scary enough--why make a plastic one that also pees everywhere? These dolls were also anatomically correct. If you weren't sure whether you bought a boy doll, you became very aware once it came time to change his diaper.
Complete with a crystal ball and wizard, this board game spoke to children and answered their questions. An old man talking to children can be deemed as creepy but if you were a seven year old playing this game, the creepy part was believing the predications he made. Hopefully Zander can go back in the board game closet along with Ouija.
I've heard jokes about people making out with their hand or pillow when they were growing up, but this takes it to a rather unhealthy level. There's absolutely no reason for Superman's mouth to be shaped that way. What's even creepier is if you go to any adult store, you can find plenty similar-looking dolls. This is definitely not a toy any child needed to own.
The Cabbage Patch Snacktime Kid doll was meant to be an innocent way for children to interact and feed their Cabbage Patch friend. But with a pair of one-way metal rollers planted in its mouth, this doll soon became a munching machine for things like human hair and fingers. Sometimes, in horror movies, dolls are depicted as wanting to kill or eat little children. This one actually did part of the latter.
I owned this game and played it every time my friends came over. I even remember the commercial with the kids trying to sneak past the dad. It's creepy that the premise of this game is making sure not to wake up your father when you're sneaking out of your room. It's even creepier that it's for ages 3 and up. It's still available at Toys "R" Us but if your elementary school child decides to one-up the game by sneaking out of the house while you're sleeping, you only have yourself to blame.
This demon abomination was one of the few plush dolls marketed to boys during the late 80's and early 90's. The stuffed monster came with handcuffs that children could actually use on themselves. The idea behind it is pretty creepy too. Here is this ugly thing that looks different than me. Let's chain it up! The direct-to-video movie that it spawned featured a boy who became the Pet Monster and a man who tries to kidnap him and run experiments on him. Even without all the back story, that face alone, sitting in my dark bedroom at night, is enough to creep me out.
There's a reason people who are creepy and weird on the internet are called "trolls." Their makers would have you believe they are the "cute" kind of creepy but with their naked bodies, wrinkled old people face, and weird belly buttons, these things were more the kind of creepy you needed to get rid of at a garage sale.
And you thought the crying and urinating baby was bad! Just like the box says, this baby really shivers, when you take its clothes off. The shivering is more of a compulsive shaking like the baby is having a mild seizure. I don't recommend any dolls for your child that involve a shaking baby. Especially if there are any real babies in the house.
Here we have more dead bugs for children to play with! I remember these were a cool thing to own growing up. That is until you realize the red dot on their head is from being punctured with a pin needle. You can still find these at some toy stores. Or your resident taxidermist I'm sure.
I think we can all remember having at least one of these, that was typically filled with fish and glitter of some sort. But what exactly are they? And why? Who even thought to make these and why is there a hole in the middle? Now when you look them up online, you'll run into joke after joke about them being used on a different type of snake. Now that's creepy and disgusting.
I was just a little bit too old to play with Boobahs when they came out but I was definitely exposed to the television show from my younger family members. These Teletubby-looking rejects seemed like something out of a toddler's acid trip. I've honestly heard of more children being scared of these alien puff dolls than actually enjoying them. Luckily, I have not seen them sold at any stores recently. But if you ever run across one, don't look into its eyes.
The only thing jolly about this chimp is when you took it to the store and got your money back. This "toy" has been in several horror films and for good reason. Whoever designed those sinister eyes and painful grin, should definitely lose their day job. If you want something that clangs and chatters, get those wind up chattering teeth instead.
This mutated perverse piece of science was a common character in the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles franchise. "The Fly" remake with Jeff Goldblum was popular back in the late '80's and early 90's so maybe that's why TMNT creators thought this deformed freak of nature would be a good idea for a children's toy. If you still think Baxter is harmless, perhaps the image of him strangling Raphael with his bare hands in the corner of this package, might change your mind.