The alternative songs of 1997 could have only existed in 1997.
1. A New Power Rangers Movie Is On The Way!
What's the best time to be an 80s or 90s kid? No, not the 80s or 90s. Right now, baby! All of your favorite hot properties from the best childhood in the history of childhoods are being transformed into big-budget blockbusters these past couple of years, it seems. It started with `Transformers;' then we got `G.I. Joe,' `Robocop,' `Alvin and the Chipmunks,' and `Smurfs,' Up next on the list are `Jem,' `Masters of the Universe,' and `Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.'
Well, we can add another childhood memory to the list. It has just been announced that a `Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers' movie is coming to the big screen. It'll be a joint production by Lionsgate Films and Saban Brands, and will apparently play on the existing mythology of the still-running television show, but create its own universe to play in.
These movie adaptations of classic franchises usually tend to be hit or Miss (and I capitalized the `miss' for good reason). For the most part, they usually end up just causing a whole lot of 80s and 90s nostalgia fans to fly into Ecto Cooler-fueled rage.
But you know what? Let's just lean into this nostalgia thing, since nothing is sacred anymore. Here are some other classic 80s and 90s properties we'd like to see as special effects-laden summer blockbusters.
2. 6. Captain Planet and the Planeteers
Captain Planet is every 90s kid's favorite superhero that they didn't realize was a heavy-handed environmental message by some whacked-out billionaire hippie. With the aid of his `Planeteers' — a racially diverse team of philanthropic teenagers that harness the powers of the Earth — Captain Planet came down from the skies and defeated pollution-themed villains such as Sly Sludge and Hoggish Greedly. His only weakness? Pollution. So, you know, his weakness was pretty much everything.
Considering that we're even more concerned with the environment these days, what with the whole global warming thing, Captain Planet would be a great superhero to bring to the big screen. The movie would be a preachy, ham-fisted mess of liberal propaganda, but so was `Avatar' and that was the biggest selling movie of all time.
3. 5. Gummi Bears
Out of all the crazy stuff that came out of the 80s and 90s — such as turtles that did karate, transforming robots, and talking babies — `Gummi Bears' is by far the most insane. A family of bears that wear clothes, live in the forest, and fight goblins with the use of a magical juice that causes them to bounce like kangaroos. Why convolute the plot, Disney? Just make them kangaroos and eliminate the whole Gummi Berry Juice thing.
`Gummi Bears' would be just the most bizarre, surreal thing to possibly make a movie about. I want to see how they could possibly figure out how to translate this onto the big screen. Just don't let Michael Bay anywhere near it or we'll have scantily-clad female bears, and the goblins will somehow be racist stereotypes.
4. 4. Gargoyles
`Gargoyles' is the story of a group of creatures that are made of stone by day, but transform into snarling beasts at night. They perch atop a skyscraper in the heart of New York City, and fight villains in the seedy underbelly of the city with the help of their police detective friend.
`Gargoyles' was surprisingly dark, gritty, and mature for a kid's show. In fact, it's perfectly suited for a modern-day movie adaptation. In a world where Christopher Nolan is making everything dark and gritty, `Gargoyles' comes pre-Nolanized. You could pretty much just put out a shot-for-shot remake of the original show, and little kids would probably still pee their pants.
5. 3. G-Force
G-Force was a Japanese-produced action cartoon about a team of heroes drifting through the Universe in a giant spaceship, fighting alien evil. That's about it. It's as simple a premise as an 80s cartoon can get, but it was awesome.
The coolest thing about the show is that there aren't any giant robots, crazy vehicles, or monsters assisting the G-Force team. It's just a bunch of people in weird, spandex outfits kicking butt. Tell me you wouldn't want to see that.
6. 2. Freakazoid!
Ok. I love the Marvel Cinematic Universe — and am excited for `The Avengers 2' and `Guardians of the Galaxy' — as much as the next fan, but superhero movies are getting kind of out of hand. They've started to take themselves too seriously, and any time now the whole fad is going to collapse in on itself.
What we need is a new hero. A bolder hero. A goofy hero with pointy hair and a weird rubber suit. We need Freakazoid. Freakazoid was an awesome superhero cartoon parody about a guy who gets turned into a manic, digital hero by his computer, and proceeds to go on some of the most zany, surreal adventures known to the 90s Kiddom. Think `The Mask' meets `The Tick,' and you've got Freakazoid. He could pull us out of this current melodramatic, dreary lull we're in with superhero movies, and bring some style and some color back into it.
7. 1. Rock & Rule
Here's a prime 80s property just waiting to be remade into a live-action masterpiece. `Rock and Rule' is the epic story of rock'n'roll, space adventure, and beautiful women. It's kind of like `Heavy Metal' with more space and beautiful women. The movie is about the epic journey of one Rock Star/Hero on his journey to become the greatest musician of all time. It also features tons of awesome rock'n'roll music from the 70s and 80s.
We haven't seen a huge, rock musical, space epic in quite a while. We need some of this back in our lives to free us from the current trend of dark comic book movies and dreary indie dramas. And if they aren't going to remake `Flash Gordon' or `Heavy Metal,' they should definitely tackle `Rock and Rule.'