Coke? Pepsi? After watching these classic commercials, we still can't decide.
1. Guess Who?
It was clearly stated in the final second of the commercial and yet still children everywhere ignored it: "Game cards do not actually talk."
Sure, Guess Who? was a perfectly fun game on its own, but that still didn't make up for the fact you'd weren't going to see Bill berate his neighbors for not having beards.
2. The Nintendo Power Glove
I can't 100% blame the advertising campaign for sucking me in to the cult of Power Glove. After all, that kid from The Wizard tried to warn us all: "It's so bad."
3. Little Caesars Cheeser Cheeser
You begged your parents to buy some of that Little Caesars pizza with the cheese that could stretch all the way into the living room. What you got was nothing but a mouthful of disappointment. Hey, sounds just like that time I tried to make cake pops.
These spots made POGs look so totally extreme.
What's that? Your parents wouldn't buy them for you? Ugh, they just didn't understand stackable juice caps like us kids did.
This is another one that was actually a fun enough game, but in no way could possibly measure up to the awesomeness of the commercial. Two kids throwing down in a post-apocalyptic death arena "sometime in the future"? How could any tabletop game ever live up to that?
...Well, aside from Candyland. That game was off the chain.
"They barely showed any images of the actual game. That must be because it's TOO AWESOME FOR TV!!!"
...I was not a smart child.
The idea of learning a new language is exotic and exciting to children and, to many of us, the Muzzy program seemed like a no-brainer. Unfortunately, people who actually purchased the program (for only 6 easy payments of $28.08) discovered that it was nothing but four half-hour VHS cassettes with some basic vocab lessons. Hope you didn't book that plane ticket to Paris.
Following the success of Gak (which was wonderful), Nickelodeon came out with Floam. The constant commercials made it look like the coolest sculpting tool ever made. What the spots failed to mention, though, was the fact that Floam melted onto and stained everything it touched, including your hands. So, unless your parents kept plastic sheets on the couch (and our sympathies if they actually did), you were in for a world of trouble.
9. The Talkboy Tape Recorder
The Talkboy was originally conceived as a stand-alone prop for Home Alone 2, but kids were so enamored with Kevin McCallister's tool of voice manipulation that it was turned into a retail product one year later.
Knowing their market, the ad campaign was directed solely at little brats who wanted to ruin their older sister's day for no reason. Not advertised were the savage beatings they could expect to receive moments later.
10. Elefun the Elephant
Running around and catching butterflies shot out of a five-foot-tall bong can be fun, I guess, but definitely not worth the cleanup afterwards. Side note: The Elefun commercial may go down in the record books as having the absolute worst cast of children playing the game. They're just flailing around aimlessly! Have those loser toddlers even caught one stupid butterfly?
11. Marvin's Magic Drawing Board
Anyone who actually owned the Marvin's Magic Drawing Board will tell you that the drawings never held their form like that, and the screen would inevitably puncture and leak black goop all over the house.
I guess the real "magic" was how they somehow managed to make it look like a functioning product during the commercial.
12. Shout N Shoot
This looked like a game changer when it came to water fights in the suburbs. But if the incredibly weak spout didn't doom you, then running around your neighborhood repeatedly shouting, "Fire!!!" sure as heck did.
When you first unwrapped a Furby, it seemed amazing...for about twenty minutes. The problem? The thing wouldn't shut up. Every time it sensed light or movement, that dumb little robot would start yapping away incessantly. Eventually, every kid learned the art of smothering it in a blanket to keep Furby quiet.
Kids ran to their parents demanding bottles of Squand so quickly that they never stopped to think about how they'd actually play with it.
I mean, the stuff is cool enough, but how many empty 20-gallon aquariums do most people have lying around?
15. Virtual Boy
We weep for any children that actually got suckered in by Nintendo's Virtual Boy campaign. While the idea of a 3D console seemed cool, the reality of boring, monochrome video games that give you headaches was not.
16. Amazing Elastic Plastic
What the commercials failed to point out? That 90% of the time, your "balloons" will end up just being deformed lumps of industrial rubber that smell vaguely like spray paint. Also, your parents are getting a divorce.
17. Stretch Armstrong
Yeah, it's fun to stretch Mr. Armstrong around for a while...until your little brother loses his grip and the entire thing slingshots back into your face. And when your parents run in to see what's wrong, somehow everything's your fault, because you were supposed to be the one watching him! I can't do everything, Mom and Dad!
18. Moon Shoes
Fun fact: Every kid in this commercial died from repeatedly-twisted ankles. RIP Radical Kids Wearing Stripes.
19. Play-Doh Cookie Lovin' Oven
I'm aware that you're not supposed to eat Play-Doh, but try telling that to me as a kid after I just spent an hour meticulously decorating cookies and then putting them into an oven to bake. Heck, even the boy in the commercial screams, "Delicious!" What was I supposed to think?!
20. Anything by Tiger Electronics
But probably the most disappointing moment of any child's life was when they first powered up their brand new Tiger Electronics handheld game. And if your parents really loved you they bought you the wrist version of the game, so you could take the grief and regret with you wherever you went!