Anthropologie Absurdities: You Can Actually Buy This Stuff

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When walking into an Anthropologie store, a strange combination of overwhelming material need and buried feelings of inadequacy slowly surface.Luckily, the clothing and home goods retailer has made some pretty dumb s*** in the past. Just this week, the Internet is up in arms with this $100 West Village trash can(marked down from a whopping $148) that is currently on sale at Anthropologie.When they're not busy selling Francophone shirts with the names of the most Googled cafes in Parisor glittery monogram mugs, they're pretty well known for selling questionable crap for an unquestionably large price tag.

Anthropologie, we love you. But sometimes, you're just absurd.

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1. Expensive Homemade Crap

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The key to Anthropologie is creating something that looks homemade, but is not. Shh...our little secret! Just don't tell Grandma you paid almost $300 for this blanket she would've made you for free.

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2. This Is a Box...

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This box originally cost $98. Not the bike. Just the box. Good thing your nephew couldn't build this box in his eighth grade shop class, otherwise this would be a real rip off.

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3. Skirt Leggings Combo...Why?

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"Sometimes I just want to wear leggings, but I also want to wear a skirt, and I can't quite decide and then I remember, I can have anything I want so I guess I'll just have both."

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4. $1250 Gardening Set

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These Shime Garden Tools originally cost more than $1,200, but eventually got knocked down to $300.

Because, honestly, what need does a rich person have for gardening tools? You know they aren't doing their own gardening.

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5. Art, or Something Like It

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This chair cost $1000 and should never, ever be sat in. Tease.

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6. 'I Think It's Trying to Tell Me Something'

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Speaking of art, this Banana Chair sold for $1,800.

A combination of a plastic office chair nailed to a wooden dining room table chair, we're supposed to feel the friction between handmade craftsmanship juxtaposed with mass-produced crap.

Good thing Anthropologie has never mass produced anything...

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7. Fur Stool

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You can tell the amount of someone's wealth by how much white fur is in his or her house. That's the truth.

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8. iTree Docking Station

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This one is my favorite. Sure, anyone with a saw can hack down a tree and put an iHome inside, but this hunk of wood with wiring originally costed $15,000 (before being knocked down to a measly $1,500) and would take up an absurd amount of space in any home. Who needs college when you have music and mythical, woodsy whimsy?

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9. Rickshaw

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WTF, Anthropologie? Once again, you have completely missed the point

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10. Something's Afoot Chair

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This Something's Afoot chair was $398. It looks like it should be in the background of a found footage, M. Night Shyamalan movie.

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11. Dual Rocking Chair

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The Dual Rocking Chair will only cost you $598, which seems an insignificant cost when you consider the 10 minutes of fun it will provide before you get bored and just want a normal effing chair.

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12. $300 Black Bear Tent

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Yeah, because your super rich kid is going to be entertained by a $300 three-foot bear tent.

Good luck with that.

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13. Papier-Mâché Madness

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This Walrus Bust by Ivar Theorin cost $1,250. AND IS NOW SOLD OUT. So just think about that next time your friends won't pay $5 to come see you play a show at a bar downtown.

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14. It's a Numbers Game

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Is it intentionally trying to make me feel like I forgot to do my math homework by embodying a seated abacus? Because it's succeeding...

Maybe I can finally add up all the dollars I've spent at this tricky store.

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15. The Big One

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Who needs shelves when you have the disheveled, post 4.5-earthquake look going on?

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16. Under the Sea

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This Anthropologie octopus chandelier costs, wait for it, $3,498. Some customers suggested the chandelier for a nursery or closet. I'd say save your money, take scuba diving lessons in the Caribbean for that price tag and save us all a whole lot of embarrassment. 

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