You pay for a tattoo once. You pay for to child to survive every single day for the rest of their life until they are an adult. And even then, you may still be supporting them.
I don't want to hear about your new single that is coming out next week. I don't want to talk to you about politics. I don't want to tell you what I do for a living. I want a ride. That is all.
It's abstract. It's subdued and understated. It's genius.
This man has his own section in the grocery store. I love this guy. I wish he were my dad too.
Don't stop believing. Hold on to that puppy feeling. Streetlight, people. Woof woof woof! Woooof woooooof.
Are you lost? Yea, get out of your car. Swim back to land and walk three blocks to the left. You'll see my place on the right. It's the townhouse with the red door. I'll have a towel waiting for you.
Oh sorry. I thought it was the seal's birthday and I got really excited. It's just this girl's birthday? Whatever, happy birthday. Do we know when the seal's birthday is?
Oh yeah Ubereats? You got jokes? Keep being a smart ass and we will see what kind of tip you'll get. Just kidding — I am going to tip you anyway. Everyone needs to tip no matter what!
Your dog must think that they are in some alternative universe where there are two of her. Don't you wish there were two of her? Double the cuddle.
Um, she asked for a ring, and she got a car? Hey mom and dad. I'm sorry, but I think I found new parents. Gotta go! Bye.
Yes, now I do believe in evolution. What kind of lizard is this? A handsy Iguana? Keep your hands to yourself buddy. All four of them.
This dog has a good hair day every single day. Look at those highlights! Life is so unfair!
Hey mom. That looks nothing like our dog. Have you seen our dog? Just take a look when you get home. Also, I'm worried about you.
It looks like mom is going to have a better time in college than you are. You better get on her good side. If you do, she is sure to show you a good time for the next four years.
TACO SHELLS ARE MADE OF TORTILLAS?!?!?!?! Mind blown!
I'm kidding. Come on, people. This isn't a life hack. This is just life, you hack.