Okay, a disclaimer: I’m not a new mom, nor have I ever been a mom, but I’ve heard it can be rough. For starters, everyone and their grandmother has an opinion on how you should parent your own child. 

For instance, everyone is going to have their "expert thoughts" on what you should feed your kid. Formula? Breast milk?? How about you do what your doctor recommends and what’s right for you and your baby!

Speaking of breast milk, breastfeeding is going to be really hard. It’s probably going to hurt and be incredibly frustrating. It simply doesn’t work out for some new moms, and that’s okay. Formula works great for many.

You know how you and your significant other spent hours upon hours quite literally watching paint dry on the wall in baby’s room in order to figure out the best color? Yeah, baby really doesn’t care. 

Baby does care about getting fed and having a rough over his or her head. Well, they might not quite yet, but they will appreciate it one day.

It’s okay that your kid came out looking like a little round blobby alien. They all do. They’ll soon be cute as a button - just give it some time.  

You might be reading this and thinking, Yeah, duh… 

But really, babies cry as their way to communicate - not just when they’re upset. After all, they can’t just tell you when they’re hungry!

Even if you’re doing everything right as a brand-new parent, your baby likely won’t make those adorable happy faces or noises until about the six-week mark. Essentially, you’ll be working tirelessly with little payoff for the first month and a half. But after that it will all be worth it!

Even if you just had a baby last month, everyone is going to make jokes about “when you’re having another one.” In response, just say, “whenever you agree to carry it and finance it!” That’s probably enough to get most people to shut right up.

You might be concerned at how dry your baby’s skin becomes, but that’s perfectly normal. After all, baby was hanging out in amniotic fluid for nine months. Babies can even have acne sometimes, too! Weird, huh?

It’s very normal for your hormones to have a mind of their own after you have a baby - your body (and mind) just went through a lot, after all! However, if you suspect that you have postpartum depression or something debilitating, seek professional help.

Those people who say, “the newborn phase goes by sooo fast!” are wrong. It’s a lot of sleepless nights and a lot of hard work. It will really only seem like it went by fast in retrospect.

Really, it’ll be like a crime scene. You know how you didn’t get a period for nine months straight? Well, you’re about to have a non-stop period for about six weeks. It’s your body’s way of saying sorry for not giving you your monthly gift for so long. 

Uh, thanks…?

Oh joy, those things, all over again! It’s kind of like feeling your cell phone vibrate in your pocket when it’s not even there, right? All jokes aside, this is probably one thing nobody warned you about.

You’re probably going to feel really gross for a while and have a lot of questionable baby-related stains on your clothes. Because really, who’s got time for showering? But when you do get to shower again, it’ll feel like the heavens have smiled down on you for a few fleeting minutes.

Being a new parent is going to be very stressful, so it’s important to admit when you’re way too stressed out. If someone offers to babysit for a few hours, or bring you dinner one night, take up those offers and get some sleep! There’s no shame in asking for help or leaning on others from time to time.

Being a new parent will probably seem like the world’s most stressful job, and there’ll probably be times when you think you’re doing a horrible job. Just take it from a girl who’s never had a kid: it’s all going to be okay and baby will turn out to be a fully functioning member of society.